Am I wrong to feel let down by my daughter’s decision to have a quiet wedding?

Dear Maggie

My husband and I have an only child, our daughter Sally, who is 25 years old.

Every year of her life we have put away some money in the bank for her wedding.

Six months ago, she told us was dating a male nurse working in the same hospital where she is a physiotherapist. He’s American and we liked him as soon as we met him.

They’ve fallen in love and he has asked her to marry him. He’s a very nice young man and my husband and I are delighted that he will be our son-in-law.

But we got a big shock last week when she told us her plans.

They just want a simple wedding and then plan to take six months leave of absence from work and go travelling round South America.

I feel very disappointed that I am going to lose out on the chance to plan and shop for her wedding and that she’s really not interested in having a special day.

My husband offered them the money we have saved for the wedding as a gift towards their travelling and they are delighted.

But somehow I feel very let down. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Maggie says No, you’re not – it’s natural to feel a bit disappointed that things haven’t turned out exactly as you’d hoped.

But the important thing is your daughter has found the man she loves and you and your husband are happy he’s going to join your family.

Hold on to that feeling, because that’s what matters.

How they celebrate their wedding day is their choice and it’s wise to let them plan things the way they want them to be.

Your generous financial gift will be well appreciated by them both and together they will share the fun of planning their travels and having the experience of a lifetime.

So although I understand that you feel a little let down at missing out on the sort of wedding you’d hoped for, try to show them that you are excited about their big adventure.

Perhaps you could even fly out and join them for a short time during their travels in South America?

If you help them make their dream come true, it is something they will never forget and it would be the best possible start to their married life, and to your future relationship with them.