Maggie listens
I used to have such a close bond with my daughter but she found a boyfriend and things changed
Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to
Dear Maggie
My 18-year-old daughter and I have always had a close relationship. She talks freely to me about her life, her friends, her hopes and dreams for the future and this means a lot to me.
But in the past few months there has been a change in her attitude. She has a new boyfriend and he’s been to our house several times and I get the feeling he resents the fact she is so open and honest with us.
I mentioned this to her last week and she said that he finds it difficult to understand our family because his family don’t talk about their relationships in the same way and it makes him feel a bit uncomfortable.
I know she likes him a lot but I’m really hoping that this doesn’t cause a rift in our close family because that would break my heart. What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen?
Maggie says
I think you have to realise that you are very lucky to have a close, loving relationship with your daughter and this is a very positive thing – but not all families “relate” in the same way.
Some prefer to keep things to themselves a little bit and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Clearly your daughter knows and values the way you can talk to each other freely about what matters in your life, but she is finding out that not every family is the same. It’s a good lesson to learn. So try to give her time to understand that her boyfriend feels the way he does because of his upbringing. In time he may come half way to realising that talking things over with your family is a positive thing rather than negative.
It’s a good way to let off steam, work out what you really want and can be helpful when you have decisions to make.
If their relationship is going to last, they will find their own way of sharing ideas and making plans for the future.
So give them time and space to work this out together without any pressure and hopefully your daughter will value this and realise that the good relationship you share hasn’t altered in any way.
Maggie Listens, The Sunday Post, Skypark, Suite3/6, Elliot Place, Glasgow G3 8EP maggielistens@sundaypost.com