Maggie Listens

Resident agony aunt Maggie Clayton

Dear Maggie

My wife and I have been married for 28 years and for every one of those years there has been the same fuss about where we spend Christmas.

Should we go to her parents, or my parents, or have it at our home? The same discussion every year and here we are in mid-November and already she is fussing about it. When our children were small we stayed at home because they didn’t want to leave their new toys and we entertained both sets of grandparents at our house.

But this year my wife’s parents and my parents have invited us to spend Christmas with them and my wife is making a fuss about what we should do because our daughter wants her boyfriend to come and spend Christmas with us. My wife talks endlessly about this because it sounds like whatever we do, someone is going to be offended. What’s the answer to keeping everyone happy?

Maggie says

You and your family are not alone when it comes to the big Christmas debate of “how do we please everyone?”

The truth is – very often that’s impossible. Some families spend the day going from one set of relatives to another and it can end up being an exhausting experience. So have a frank discussion with your wife and children and try to come to a compromise which suits everyone.

If your parents and your in-laws don’t want to leave their house on Christmas Day, then perhaps you can pay them a visit on the day and then come home to celebrate it with your wife, family and your daughter’s boyfriend?

Christmas can be an emotional time for people and there’s sometimes too much pressure on where the day is actually spent. There’s no point in making this a big issue. The essence of Christmas is that we think of others and do our best to make the day a relaxed, happy celebration.

It’s important to keep a sense of proportion about this and don’t feel you are letting anyone down. Families are good at knowing where we are vulnerable – so talk it through with your wife and daughter and make a decision about where to spend the day – then enjoy it without feeling guilty.