Resident agony aunt Maggie Clayton

Dear Maggie

My son is 33 and my daughter is 31. Ever since they were teenagers they had the same dream, to own a bookshop. Their grandmother died three years ago and left them some money, so they decided to use it to put down a deposit on a small bookshop in the town where we live.

It was a great opportunity and within months it proved to be a success – financially profitable and popular with people of all ages. But earlier this year the first problem arose when my son decided he wanted to expand, and suggested they apply for a bank loan. My daughter wasn’t comfortable with this and they had a big row.

They both asked for my opinion but I said I wasn’t taking sides, that they must sort it out for themselves. But they haven’t, and I am very worried for both of them. I don’t want to see them falling out like this – but what can I do to help?

Maggie says

I think you’ve behaved with remarkable patience and common sense. Clearly you love both your son and daughter deeply and are proud of their achievement – but you are right to keep out of their dispute.

It’s their business and they must both take responsibility for the decisions they make.

The business is a success so it may well be a good time to expand but it must be a joint decision to which both of them are happy to make a commitment.

I think you should speak privately to each of them and tell them you will not take sides. But advise them to listen carefully to what their business partner thinks and feels about this.

Each of them needs to feel their point of view is taken into account. Compromises are always possible.

Your daughter may not be ready just yet to expand the business but would she in the future?

If they are both frank and honest with each other, there’s every chance they can work through this.

If they can learn to listen to each other, understand what their business partner’s anxieties are, they can find a way to deal with that. If they don’t – they are both going to lose out on a successful bookshop and that sounds very disappointing after all their hard work.

Try to be calm but firm and urge them both to rethink their fixed viewpoint so they can come to a compromise.

Perhaps if your son knows his sister is merely anxious about taking on an expansion project right now, but might be more willing to do so in the future, he will be prepared to put it on hold right now.

They need to listen to each other and be willing to work together and build on what they have created so successfully together.

Hopefully they will welcome your advice. Good luck.