I’ve met a new man, but I’m worried my dad’s religious prejudice may scare him off

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

After all those months of lockdown I’m bored with my life and want to get back to the way it was before Covid forced us all to be cautious.

I’m 38, have been divorced for six years but I am lucky enough to have my own flat, a job I enjoy, lots of friends, and a good social life.

Six months ago I met a lovely man who works as a joiner. We took the relationship slowly at first as we’ve both been hurt in the past by rushing into things.

We now know each other really well, and it looks like this could be a lasting relationship.

I’ve met his parents and they made me feel very welcome. I’d love him to meet my parents but my only anxiety is that my dad might say something out of turn as my family is Protestant and he is a Catholic.

Unfortunately my dad is biased about religion and this makes me feel anxious. My boyfriend is wondering why I haven’t brought him home to meet my parents. What can I do?

Maggie says

Religious bias is a difficult but not uncommon attitude and I think you should be honest with Joe and tell him how your dad feels. Explain its not a personal thing, it is just the way your dad was brought up.

Hopefully when they meet, they will accept each other with an open mind and heart. If they are sensible they will get to know each other slowly without any bias about religion getting in the way.

They both care for you so there is every chance that prejudice will not get in the way of them forming a close and comfortable relationship.

Dear Maggie

My mum has always been a very positive person.

She loved bringing up my brother and myself. But my brother left home three years ago, and I got married last year.

Since then I’ve noticed a change in mum. Everything takes her a lot of time whether it’s shopping, cooking or the housework.

I’ve suggested she makes an appointment with her GP and I’d go along with her for a check-up but she snapped at me and said: “There’s no need for that. I’m fine.”

I’m very worried about her. My dad says: “Your mum is just a wee bit low in her mood but she’ll get over it.”

I’ve watched and waited for that to happen

but my mum’s just not the bundle of fun and energy she once was. What can I do to help her?

Maggie says

You’ve done all the right things to try to understand how your mum is feeling but clearly she’s not ready right now to open up to anyone or perhaps even to admit that she may be suffering from mild depression..

So perhaps the wisest thing to do is to leave her until she is ready to confide in you.

I know this is not what you want to hear but until your mum is ready to talk about her emotions there’s no point in forcing her.

Your mum’s generation didn’t talk about their emotions in the way that is more common today.

Be there for her, quietly supporting her, and hopefully she’ll find a sunnier outlook.