Slade hopes of ousting Farrell look distant after fluffed audition

Exeter playmaker misses chance to grab centre spot as Eddie Jones’s misfiring England grind out dull win

Agrindathon, Eddie Jones called it. One of those dull, gruelling performances that have become a speciality of Twickenham, this was default England, serving up fare so tepid the most exciting moment of the entire afternoon was when the covers band providing the post-match entertainment in one of the understand bars struck up the Undertones’ Teenage Kicks. As one wag making their way out at full-time put it: when exactly was it that Jose Mourinho was installed as England rugby coach?

But, unlike if Mourinho were indeed in charge, it was not meant to be like that. No bus was meant to be parked here. This was supposed to be England given wings, England demonstrating the range and scale of their Plan B. This was meant to be England unleashed.

On a weekend when Eddie Jones and Gareth Southgate were both scheming for World Cup operations ahead, there was one significant advantage the rugby coach had over his football counterpart: the depth of his alternatives.

While Southgate, in the absence of his few big hitters, was obliged to give an international debut to a player who has not yet figured in the first team for his club, Jones could cheerfully take on the semi-finalists in the last World Cup without his two best performers. Owen Farrell and Maro Itoje were not absent because they were injured or out of form. They were watching from afar simply because Jones knew he had alternatives. Here was the chance properly to assess what lies beneath.

So it was that Henry Slade stepped into the position Farrell normally occupies. As Jones made all too apparent in the lead-up to the game, this was an audition.

“This is Sladey’s opportunity to show he can be a third choice at 12 – or one of the choices at 12,” the head coach had said, issuing the most direct of challenges. With Ben Te’o, Manu Tuilagi, Alex Lozowski and Piers Francis all queuing up for the chance to shine, the implication was clear: this was an opening he had to grab with both hands.

But as auditions go, it could hardly have been a surprise had one of the stewards informed the young Exeter centre as he made his way out of Twickenham: “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.” The moment in the closing minute of the game that he tried to high-step his way through the Argentina midfield, only to see the ball punched out of his hands and sent spinning into touch was indicative: at no point did Slade suggest we come on and feel the noise.

“They just didn’t gel,” Jones said of his midfield pairing. “These things happen. He [Slade] did some good things. But it’s that understanding that wasn’t quite there today.”

A dull, plodding, pedestrian battle of attrition, this was a game shrieking out for someone to apply a spark. Had Slade been able to control things as he has for Exeter, then he would have been thanked by 80,000 people who had paid for entertainment and been delivered a sleeping pill instead.

Jones was clearly hoping the man who can lay legitimate claim to be the Premiership’s most in-form centre would be a catalyst, the key to unlocking England’s prodigious backline talent.

Instead, he spent much of the match observing from behind a scrabbly, scrappy forward rumble. Given this is a game now in thrall to statistics, the one that tells us Slade did not touch the ball at all in the first 13 minutes of action does not insist he was the most persuasive of playmakers.

Slade is not the wrecking-ball modern centre. More Mike Catt than Jamie Roberts, he is no Warrenball rumbler but a deft and subtle presence, the speed and intelligence of his passing the key to unlocking the talents of those around him. And this was the point of his selection: he offers plausible alternative to Farrell’s metronomic efficiency. Him and George Ford as the left-foot, right-foot midfield axis is a thought sufficient to raise the pulse of any England fan.

But here, assumption never engaged with reality. The pair did nothing to suggest they could exert influence on a game like this. As Argentina smothered and stifled, they barely got a touch.

Jones, growing ever grumpier as the game progressed, kept hoping Slade would rise to the occasion. The coach kept him on when Jonathan Joseph was replaced at outside centre. The rationale was obvious: as Argentina tired, he wanted someone with a bit of nous to open them up.

And for one brief moment the plan came together. After 67 minutes, Slade, galloping through the middle, dispatched a beautiful arcing pass out to the replacement Semesa Rokoduguni on the wing. After some consideration to check the ball had not gone forward, the referee awarded England’s second try.

Whether that moment is sufficient for Jones to maintain the experiment for the rest of the autumn series seems unlikely. Farrell, who pointedly joined in the pre-match warm-up even though he was not included in the squad, is chomping at the bit.

“He was a good water boy,” Jones smiled. Against Australia you suspect he will be obliged to do something more than carry the bottles.