MODERN STEREOTYPES

The shooting lunch

Suzy has embraced her first shooting lunch with too much brio. At the Hybrid Shoot, a syndicate her husband has just joined, the wives take it in turns to do the lunch. The wives may be different but the food is always the same: brown. The pie of the shepherd, mash and lots of it.

Suzy decided to ginger things up a bit and go – green! She’s produced Thai green curry and rice. The other wives are appalled – change is dreadful, particularly for the better.

Suzy sinned by offering sushi from the new Waitrose artisan counter

And why did none of them get their brains out of their padded jackets and think of it? They all suspect that she bought voluminous packets of Charlie Bigham’s ready meals and decanted them into her own pans. They’ve all done it, but not for shooting lunch, which is such an opportunity for marvellous ways with mince.

Suzy further sinned by offering sushi from the new Waitrose artisan counter for elevenses. When Mildred Firebrace had recovered the power of speech she said that Wall’s sausages were perfectly adequate, thank you, dear, and went very nicely with her sloe gin.

Suzy means well. She and Mungo (she married up) are incomers to Woldshire and he’s a frightful shot but very good company and Brigadier Firebrace has no qualms about poaching his birds. “Can’t let ’em just go happily motoring on.” The Brig is also rather taken with little Suzy in her thigh-high boots and the mini-tweed. Breath of fresh air, everyone else looks as if they’d dressed out of the dog basket. Loves a curry himself, having served in Malaya.

Over the Berry Bros Ordinary Claret, everyone’s nerves are soothed. The dog-basket battleaxes, who go out into muddy fields with their husbands and command the dog in stentorian tones, know Suzy is going to come unstuck on the pudding and cheese. Crumble? Nope, tiramisu. Foreign muck. Vacherin? Foreign French muck. The chaps think that it’s marvellous: one last gasp from the cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

Peel the carrots into ribbons using a vegetable peeler or mandolin.

Put the orange and lemon juices, olive oil, honey and salt in a large bowl and stir to combine. Mix in the carrot ribbons.

Toast the pistachios in a dry skillet or frying pan over medium heat for three to four minutes, or until lightly golden around the edges. Stir in the spice seasoning and cook for 30 seconds more, to release the flavour.

Scatter the spiced pistachios over the carrots and serve.