THREE QUESTIONS I’M ALWAYS ASKED

How do I get my kids to listen? The language we use when we ask our children to do something is important, as is engaging with your child. Rather than nagging and shouting, do this. First, prepare: stop what you are doing, and go to your child rather than shouting over your shoulder. Then, engage: show interest in your child’s world and descriptively praise him for all sorts of things, e.g. “Thanks for looking at me. That’s really polite and I can tell you are listening”. Next, instruct: clear and simple as children struggle to follow multiple instructions, and once only. Lastly, follow through: wait, rather than walk away. Stay until the instruction is carried out and descriptively praise steps in the right direction.

How can I manage the screen-time struggles?

The answer does not lie in coercion but communication. Work out your values around the use of screens and gadgets, and define the limits clearly. Try a drop zone where everyone leaves their devices at an agreed time each evening.

How do I stop sibling squabbles? First, recognise that they are common and normal and mostly a struggle for perceived share of parental approval and love. With low-level sibling squabbles no intervention is best, and research shows children learn best when they have the agency to work things out on their own. Since one of the reasons for the squabbling is to get our attention, we need to withdraw our attention when they’re fighting. Set up a neutral Squabbling Place, not as a punishment but as a strategy to help them find an alternative behaviour. Also provide time alone with each parent, away from siblings, which makes them less likely to compete for attention.