The climate change swot
Amy is earnest. Like Cassandra in Homer she has a real talent for gloom and doom. “It is all the fault of that Gerda Soderstream,” says her grandfather. “Why can’t Amy smoke behind the bike sheds like a normal teenager?” But Amy wants to save the world which, if the world does not reduce fossil fuel use by 2025, will expedite humanity to extinction.
It is this “fact” with which Amy is now beating the Upper Fifth around their heads. “Humanity will be on its way to extinction in your lifetime.” This is different to climate change as they thought they knew it: poor, starving polar bears floating on Glacier mints and darling penguins unable to dive or walk through melted ice to get away from leopard seals. Yes, they watch whispering Dave. The plight of cuddly animals speaks to them, the plight of their own species seems unimaginable. They just thought they could go under it, over it or just have to get through it. Not necessarily by dumping the SUV to ride bicycles or having to row to New York for a shopping fix.
Amy, watched with admiration by her smug father (“She’s so on it, Oxbridge would be mad not to have her”) lists the horror that awaits: the methane time bomb (poor cows), ocean acidification, loss of breathable air from phytoplankton (Amy’s mother thought phyto anything was an anti-ageing treatment). Shrinking glaciers, wildfires and tsunamis have already begun. Think California and Australia – how soon before it is Wales? “Too wet,” cries a lone voice in the audience.
The loss of biodiversity, animal attacks (but will there be any animals left?) and mass migration (people, not birds) is, Amy says, impacting civilisation but, in her opinion, we have not been sufficiently civilised to avoid being selfish consumers. Fifty four bags for life bought per household per year? Madness. “Go to the Nordic Museum in Sweden using 25 ProAv Optoma projectors to bring to life the impact of climate change.” This will involve a flight, but you can enter an iceberg and relax in an igloo. Amy states that volcanic activity is going to increase. How do volcanoes – some of whom would like it hot – know about climate change?
Amy’s mother thought phyto anything was an anti-ageing product
Victoria Mather
There’ll Always Be An England: Social Stereotypes from The Daily Telegraph by Victoria Mather and Sue Macartney-Snape (Constable, £12.99). Follow on Facebook/Instagram: @social_stereotypes