I don’t care how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ the snow is this year – I just hate skiing

Brace yourselves, because deployment has started. I’m talking about skiers, of course, not the Middle East. You’re very much in the wrong section of the paper for political analysis. But the skiing situation is critical because it’s January and that means people have started talking about how “good” or “bad” the snow is, as if they have turned into Inuit and forgotten they live in a maisonette in Fulham.

A news story reported this week that French resorts are feeling a touch of tristesse because although we’re heading towards peak season, visitor numbers are down. They’ve witnessed a 14 per cent drop in skiers over the past decade, and apparently young people view such resorts “as an outdated destination fit only for their parents’ generation”. To lure the youth back, the

French are considering initiatives such as “selfie stations” and “fast internet access”, because using your phone while hurtling down a black slope seems like a sensible idea, doesn’t it?

It seems odd that this would come as a surprise given the mounting expense of skiing, the fortune you have to fork out for a pass and kit, plus the flocking of oligarchs to places like Courchevel in the past few years which means that a hot chocolate now costs the same as a medium-sized family car. If French resorts have an image problem, they can only blame themselves – and fat medallion-adorned men called Grigory.

Selfishly, I’m thrilled because I hate skiing. You’re all free to go but please do not talk to me about a sport that makes hunting look egalitarian. All that