How to make blended pet families work
Tanith Carey meets the loved-up couples whose animals hate each other – and the experts with a plan for peace
After a bruising end to both their marriages, Sally Cousins and her partner, James, were elated to find each other on an online dating site. Only there were two major obstacles to them taking the next step and moving in together: Sally’s dog Frank and James’s cat Mosie. Considering Frank was a lurcher trained – in Sally’s words – to catch “small fluffy things”, they were not a well-matched couple.
Cousins, 46, a dog walker, from Fordham, Cambs, says: “All four of us had been dumped: James and I by our partners, and Frank and Mosie were rescues. So it was important for us that we stayed together. The problem was that, on paper, Frank shouldn’t have been anywhere near a cat.”
Sally and James, a car technician,
realised they had to find a way to make it work. “James was the man I wanted to be with. Worrying about how our pets would get on too was definitely a big stress on our relationship.”
So considering the dynamics between pets are just as complex as between humans, what are the secrets to building a happy pet home?
Dog behaviourist and trainer Adem Fehmi says that, with a plan and plenty of patience, most pets can peacefully co-exist even if they never become best friends. The most common interspecies introductions are dogs and cats. This relationship needs careful handling because felines may see canines as predators, while canines may see felines as prey. Within that, some breeds, such as gun dogs, have higher prey drives and so may need more training to adapt to a new companion.
Fehmi, of Hertfordshire-based training school Dog-ease, says caution is the
When two animal tribes
go to war, caution is key to finding peace key: “Allow both animals to observe and acknowledge each other from a distance so they don’t feel threatened or overwhelmed. For example, you might choose an area where a cat already feels confident. When that feels comfortable, you could bring the dog in at distance, keeping control by putting it on a lead and rewarding it with a treat for not reacting to the cat.”
For Cousins, it was a stair-gate which helped her pets to get used to each other. “They now co-exist on different floors. Mosie never comes down, even when Frank is out of the house. But when Frank has sneaked upstairs, he is now so used to her that he ignores her. They’ve worked out a compromise they’re happy with.”
My own plans to build a harmonious household of dogs and cats have faltered on two occasions. Eight years ago, my husband Anthony and I brought home our first puppy, a cockapoo called Honey, on the same day as our new Burmese kitten Truffle, hoping that raising them together would mean they would grow up like sisters. But in the first six months they squabbled. In fact, Honey broke Truffle’s leg during a chase.
At Christmas 2019 we brought home a second Burmese male kitten who we hoped would be an ally for Truffle. But far from bringing out her maternal side, Truffle hissed at Claude from the moment she saw him. Meanwhile, Honey snapped at Claude.
Having spoken to Fehmi, it seems I should have been doing more to manage the situation. He says it’s likely Honey has “claimed” the space around me, as dogs do, and lunges at Claude whenever he saunters catlike into this invisible protective bubble. Tellingly, this does happen most often in the mornings when Honey’s having a morning cuddle on the bed and Claude jumps up for a stroke too. One way of defusing the tension would be to put Honey on the lead and reward her with attention or a treat when she stays calm.
To reduce the ongoing skirmishes between the two cats, in which Claude is usually the aggressor, I am also advised to look for the signs he is on the prowl and plans to sneak up on Truffle. When that happens, I should distract him immediately with some attention or some play. Fail to do that, and it becomes an ongoing game for him – and an ongoing annoyance for Truffle.
These are common problems. When they first moved in together four years ago, Will Quinn and his wife, Annie, 30, from Dundee, also found negotiating their own personal boundaries the easier part. Bringing their respective cats together was more challenging. Quinn, 41, an arts reviewer, said: “I had a sixyear-old female Norwegian Forest Cat, called Runa, who had only had me and my late grandmother for housemates. Annie had two cats. The first was a tortoiseshell girl called Star, with a superior attitude. She also had Nova, a burly male half Scottish wildcat.”
For the first weeks, the couple were careful to keep the two cat households in separate rooms so they could smell,
but not interact. The couple also thought hard about where the cats’ three litter trays should be placed, watching for signs of anxiety like pacing and soiling, as well as timing the cats’ feeds so they could eat without feeling stressed.
Quinn says: “Eventually this progressed to short meetings and at first, it seemed as if everyone was just going to keep themselves to themselves.”
However, while Star stayed aloof, gradually, Nova and Runa began to spend more time together. The careful introductions meant that in the months that followed, they developed a unique way of playing. Quinn says: “Runa now bulldozes Nova from behind, knocking him over as an invitation to play. They playfully bully each other and have a brilliant time.”
But as Quinn discovered, you can’t force pet friendships. “You’re never going to make cats do anything they don’t want to,” he says. “If you get them to the point where they tolerate each other, everything else is a bonus. As long as you’re providing food, a place where they can get away from each other when they want to escape, and a warm place to sleep, they will negotiate for themselves, or at least learn to ignore each other.”
Indeed, it’s important to have realistic expectations, says behaviourist Fehmi. “Animals are like humans in that respect. We won’t like everyone we come across in life. Just like we have manners, we also want our pets to respect each other too.”
While Sally and James accept their dog and cat won’t ever snuggle up on the sofa, they are relieved they have formed a new family. “All four of us had been abandoned before this. But now after some give-and-take, we’re all happy under the same roof.”