Of course I love my daughter – the problem is I don’t actually like her

I‘She’s getting worse rather than better. Her fiancé eggs her on’

know parents shouldn’t have favourite children, but then I never knew that three girls brought up the same way could be so different. I didn’t expect clones, but when they’ve all had the same values and manners instilled into them, you’d think that in those ways they’d basically be the same.

Our eldest daughter is a spoilt, selfish, entitled little princess. This is a mystery to us, as we certainly never spoiled her or let her think she was better than anyone. We’re an ordinary, middle-class family, living in a good area: the girls went to excellent schools and we did our best to make sure they got all the school trips and hobbies they wanted. We took them abroad every summer, paid for driving lessons and saw them all safely through university with minimum debt.

All three of them got jobs as soon as they were 16, enjoying having their own money and realising we didn’t have limitless funds. Our younger two are kind, hardworking and drama-free. But the eldest makes everything about herself and throws a strop at the least excuse. The current hot zone is weddings: she has booked hers for next year, expecting the full razzamatazz (and assuming that by then it should be possible).

Meanwhile, our poor middle daughter is trying to organise a small family wedding for later this year and her big sister keeps trying to make things difficult for her, saying she should have let her get married first. Every week she finds something else to complain about over this, chipping away at her sister (and her mum) with ridiculous complaints. She moans that her sister getting married before her makes her look like an “old maid” – she’s 28 – and says that she doesn’t know whether she wants her sister as her bridesmaid.

Our second daughter has finally hardened her heart, after years of being the one to placate at every turn. She says that she’s not bothered about being a bridesmaid. It’s a good approach and stops the histrionics to a certain extent, but my wife can’t cope and is constantly in tears at the thought of her girls being estranged from one another.

I haven’t said this to her, but I actually don’t care anymore. The good side of our eldest daughter is kind, funny and very entertaining, and this always balanced out the more unreasonable traits but we don’t see much of that person these days. I think she’s getting worse rather than better. Unfortunately, her fiancé eggs her on, either telling her she’s hilarious or being full of sympathy when she says pathetic things like “Can’t anything go right for me, just once?” She tells him she had a really tough time growing up because we never sent her to private school or bought her a car, which is outrageous when you consider the loving and giving home we gave her. She and her fiancé have a lovely flat, good jobs and exciting plans they can afford to fulfil. But he never acknowledges how lucky she is.

Our youngest daughter doesn’t get involved and tends to exit swiftly every time a row starts, but I’m also aware that the younger two casually check the eldest is not going to be in if they’re coming over. Every time she makes her mum cry or says she never gets anything she wants, I can feel my rage rising. I do worry I might let it all spill out and upset my wife even more.

The truth is that I’ll always love her – she’s my daughter. But I don’t actually

like her.