JEREMY CLARKSON has declared that “protest never works”, in a veiled reference to the recent petition, signed by a million people, that has called on the BBC to end his suspension from Top Gear.

Despite the outpouring of public support, the presenter said he believed the world was “run by whales”, while he was merely “plankton”.

Things appear to have been going from bad to worse for Clarkson. His latest tweet showed a picture of a col-

‘And now this’: Clarkson’s wall

lapsed stone wall, believed to be on his Oxfordshire estate, accompanied by the resigned caption: “And now, this has happened.”

Writing in his Sun column, Clarkson said: “Protest never works…Oh, you can be a big and important plankton, but that doesn’t make a jot of difference if a whale has decided to eat you up. You can get a million other plankton to dress up and wave banners, but Mr Whale won’t even notice.”

He was suspended after allegedly punching Oisin Tymon, a Top Gear producer. VEGETABLE CHOCOLATES and strangely textured sweets will be on shelves within the next decade, according to the predictions of a so-called “food futurologist”.

Dr Morgaine Gaye believes that manufacturers will move away from the traditional boxes of fruit or caramel flavoured chocolate towards healthier options.

Some manufacturers are already making boxes of chocolates which do not have different flavours but different shapes, such as spikes, cubes or spheres. 3D printers will allow confectioners to build new intricate designs which would be impossible by hand.

Speaking at the FutureFest event in London, Dr Gaye said: “We have been living in a very de-texturised world where everything has been about taste rather than feel. In the future it will be about how it feels on the tongue.

“But the ‘kidult’ generation likes whimsy and fun and so manufacturers have been given a fantastic opportunity to play with shapes and unusual textures.

“The next generation of flavours will be vegetable flavours. Sugar content is also likely to decrease while traditional fruit fillings will be replaced with vegetables and chocolate bars become smaller until they are virtually the size of one chunk of Dairy Milk.

“One scientist has even worked out how to extract the fat from insects, and it turns out, that when you grind down fatless insects the result tastes just like chocolate.”