Save the tablecloth!

John Lewis reports that sales of tablecloths are down 10 per cent. Now, like some exotic animal, tablecloths have been put on an endangered list. Fashions change. Many people no longer regard family dinners as a formal affair; some want to show off their expensive wooden tables. And they always were a nightmare to clean.

If the tablecloth is to be rescued, it will have to be made to serve new purposes. Perhaps they could be strung together and used as sails for Russia’s oldfashioned warships? Or serve as a flag of surrender for EU diplomats squaring off against David Davis?

For if the tablecloth is allowed to go the way of the dodo and disappear altogether, it won’t just be fancy restaurants that will be affected. What will magicians do? A core component of their repertoire is whisking a tablecloth away and leaving an entire dinner service still standing on the table. Amateur wizards have been destroying crockery this way for decades. If coloured handkerchiefs die out, too, their art may just disappear in a puff of smoke.