Noughties nostalgia that really ought to make a comeback
for household items, stationery and, crucially, pick’n’mix. girls. for students. for lads. and for grown-ups. All now in the great newsagent in the sky. and and for and From all-white bricks to brightly coloured Nanos, they transformed the way we listened to music. Playing it on your phone doesn’t seem as satisfying. So much simpler (and more hygienic) than the roof tiles, wooden boards and slate that restaurants insist on now. It seemed so futuristic. We miss the pixellated news headlines, misshapen weather maps and holiday bargains. This lent us the look of a skater or high-school jock – and it was cosy, too. They were once the two titans of homegrown comedy. One did
and the other did Ali G and Borat. Both now limp on to diminishing laughs. A social network for people you knew, rather than everyone you’ve ever met “friending” you on Facebook. That was the choice. Forget triplefiltered, artisanal fairtrade flat whites. Comfy, cool, and their cavernous pockets eliminated the need for a bag. An underrated supermarket before it was gobbled up by Morrisons. Other defunct chains we miss include Kwik Save, Somerfield and Gateway. They were free once. Sigh. Rather than no-bookings, queue-only restaurants. We want dinner now. Netflix, Amazon, iPlayer and Sky+ are all very whizzy, but life seemed easier when there wasn’t so much choice. They’ve all been replaced with estate agents and pesky Pret A Mangers. Just occasionally, we’d like a pint of old-fashioned British bitter, not a daftnamed, try-hard, hoppy hipster ale. Seinfeld, Were those letters somehow funnier? Pre-YouTube, life was largely free of young people raking in millions with vanity videos. Perfect for your Motorola Razr phone, Game Boy Color, Von Dutch trucker cap, gel pens and mix CDs. Once a rare treat, now found on sourdough toast everywhere. Misbehaving musicians were more fun than today’s bores. Rather than, you know, the whole country. “You’re fired!” seems harmless in comparison to “Make America great again! Fake news!”