The new rules of wedding guestiquette

According to hitched.co.uk, the average British wedding has between 75 and 100 guests, though we’ve been to nuptials with upwards of 200.

Niemierko advises that “the best events are small”. So be ruthless. “Keeping it intimate ensures everyone in the room knows each other and the atmosphere will be amazing.” Even Debrett’s takes a strong line: “The process of choosing guests is not about returning favours.” One of the trickiest dilemmas is whether your friends should be able to bring their girlfriend or boyfriend – especially if you’ve never met them. You could, like Pippa, introduce a “no ring, no bring” rule. “I love it,” says Niemierko. “It is perfectly acceptable.” Etiquette coach William Hanson suggests imposing a requirement for an 18-month relationship. Dream on. Even if you have to cluster 13 people round a table, uninviting is an impossibility once the invites have gone out. “You can’t ever do that, it is really rude,” clarifies Niemierko. With UK divorce rates over 40 per cent, it is likely your family tree has a few cracks in it. But some invites are a necessary evil. Just as controversial are guests you long to invite but who would raise eyebrows. Pre-empt any awkwardness, advises Niemierko. “If you want to ask a friend’s ex, call them and ask if they would have an opinion on them coming. They will be flattered you called and cowed into saying no.” Some dress this up as an invitation to “dessert and dancing” but it is still a kick in the teeth. If you must split the guest list, Niemierko suggests ensuring key moments – such as cake-cutting – are included in the second half. Weddings are not fun for children. “The best wording on the invite is to say the wedding will run late into the evening and you don’t think it is suitable for children. Don’t ever write, ‘We want you to have a weekend off ’, because over-bearing parents will bring them anyway.” Hanson has a useful way to frame this question: “Do I want to be friends with them in five years?” If the answer is no, or you don’t have their number or know their relationship status, cull them.