A selfie, a soufflé and a very snappable pinot noir
Anew restaurant, called the Amorous Pixel, has been getting rave reviews. Here is what critic Ambrose Rice wrote the other day: “As it has already been awarded three stars for its Wi-Fi and has been acclaimed for its mobile signal, I had high hopes as I entered the Amorous Pixel and I was not disappointed. Here, indeed, was a feast for the iPhone. At other tables I could see my fellow diners photographing with relish and emailing with gusto.
“I started with the rabbit terrine and this unctuous slab of bunny was accompanied by a scattering of autumn leaves and a chocolate sauce, completing the picture with a harmony of shades of brown. Meanwhile my companion was enthusiastically zooming in on her artistically arranged seared scallops with a pea purée, which was liked by 88 of her Instagram followers.
“The ambience of the establishment is perfect; the lighting is just right and there is no background music, so you can just hear the contented wheeze of a dozen smartphone cameras. You won’t find an atmosphere like this in the Waterside Inn in Bray, where Michel Roux discourages photography.
“The service is faultless; I ordered a stepladder so that I could get a good aerial shot of my main of sea bream with truffle mash and it arrived in a trice. Diners at the next table were so enjoying their venison cooked three ways that they called for more arc lights. My companion’s only minor criticism of her chicken was that she felt it could have shown more leg.
“Mere words cannot describe the desserts. To appreciate them you must turn to my Facebook page. Our meal was accompanied by a very snappable bottle of Bulgarian pinot noir with a tasteful label. All this and a perfect ending to the meal – a selfie with the chef and a soufflé.”
Pensioners are getting into the smartphone habit, now using them for up to 54 minutes a day. You probably have to deduct about 10 minutes from this total, allowing for all those times, in public places, when we put our phone to our ear when the call is actually for somebody else standing nearby, and we have to pretend we knew that all along, as we nonchalantly put it back in our pocket. Then take off a few more minutes for all the times we check that there is still some life in the battery.
The elderly must be texting more than we used to, and the late Roger Moore dreamed up a few text-speak acronyms to suit our generation. There was BTW for Bring the Wheelchair and IMHO for Is My Hearing Aid On? Here are some others that will soon become part of our smartphone language.
When someone asks HowRU, the answer could be OMG (Oh Mustn’t Grumble) or KPU (Knee Playing Up). There are many other useful phrases, such as BIF (Before I Forget) and IFTM (I Forgot to Mention) and WSN (Whatsisname).
Other popular abbreviations ns are CMTR (Can’t Make it To the Reunion) and IHSA? (Is He Still Alive?) and WTF? (When’s the Funeral?) and LMBO (Laughing My Back Out). Then, when signing off at the end of the text message, you put TWHGM – the world has gone mad.
at telegraph.co.uk/ opinion There is a splendidly pointless ritual at the end of every haircut, when the barber holds that mirror behind your head so you can admire his work. I find this a difficult situation. What am I supposed say? I notice that the area of the bald patch has grown, but otherwise it’s just the back of a head. On these occasions, I can also see my face in the barber’s mirror in front of me. I observe myself giving a grave judicious nod before I deliver my verdict. “Yes, very good,” I solemnly announce. “Much better.”
Last week some tree surgeons came to give a short back and sides to a couple of trees in our garden. Afterwards the boss led me out to show me what they had done. What do I know? Nevertheless, I did my grave judicious nod. “Yes, very good,” I said. “Much better.”
It’s the same nod when the waiter asks how my starter was. And on those few occasions when I am asked to taste the wine. I do it again, but I also narrow my eyes for extra judiciousness. “Yes,” I say, “very good.” In fact, just as good as the back of my head.