Up close and very personal…
Taking three generations on holiday can be an exercise in diplomatic relations, says Jane Corry
It’s 6.30am. I stretch out on our villa bed and reach out to my husband. We have all the time in the world… Then there’s a cry in the next room, along with an exhausted sigh. I could pretend I haven’t heard, but it doesn’t feel right. After all, this is a family holiday.
“Thank you,” says my daughter’s husband, as I take their 10-month-old into my arms. “He’s been up since 2am.” My two-year-old granddaughter is asleep with my daughter in another room. It’s our third three-generation holiday together – and it seems we’re not alone.
Psychologist Linda Blair – who’s about to go away with her 94-yearold mother and four siblings – says they can be a great idea. “It establishes a tradition that becomes more important as we grow older, because it gives us a sense of belonging,” she explains. “The catch is that you have to accept multiple roles. You might be a mother and a grandmother at the same time. That requires tolerance. So try to stay somewhere with plenty of space. You need to be able to retreat, especially if the weather’s bad. Also, hold your tongue. There’s a lot to be said for a smile and the power of silence.”
Our trips have been a baptism of fire for my (second) husband, who hasn’t any children of his own. His experience of holidaying with kids is limited to a week in the Eighties, when he was dating a single mum.
“Can’t they synchronise their waking up time?” he asks, ruefully. “Why do we have to have lunch so early?” (Because the rest of us have been up since dawn and breakfast was a long time ago.) Tension arises when my daughter catches me filling the baby’s beaker with tap water instead of bottled. “You haven’t done that before, have you?” she asks, horrified. Of course not. Whoops.
Fortunately, we all get on. But it’s worth thinking carefully about combining family members who have different priorities. “Work out everyone’s expectations before you go,” advises Cari Rosen of Gransnet.
“Looking after the children, so the parents can have an evening out, can be great. But you might not want to spend a whole week as babysitter. Think about having a kitty, or deciding how bills will be split. Make sure there’s more than one bathroom!”
“Last year, my grown-up son came away with us,” says Carol, from Sussex, who takes her daughter and partner to Greece every year, along with her grandchildren, aged five and three. “I was excited, because it was the first time my children had been on holiday together for years. But my son would come in late and wake the children. He left glasses of beer around and, when we told him this was dangerous for the little ones, got annoyed. I invited him again this year, but he declined.”
Others find an eclectic mix helps. “We’ve seen a rise in all kinds of family combinations, compared with the nuclear set-up 20 years ago,” a
Looking after the children can be fun, but a whole week as babysitter is not
spokesman for Mark Warner Holidays tells me. “Sometimes, both sets of grandparents come, plus cousins and step-relations. Another pattern is for parents to book the first week on their own, then they’re joined by other family members later.”
One friend, who doesn’t want to be named, has her 16-year-old grandson to stay while his family (including three siblings) go away without him. “His teenage strops have ruined their last three holidays, so I suggested he come to me,” she explains. “We do things one-to-one, like bowling. I win, too, because I’ve got to know him better.”
Grandparents can also be a port in a storm. Susie Hall and her husband Jim, from Cornwall, took their daughter, son-in-law and two-year-old grandson, Sam, to the Canary Islands this year. “Sam got a rash and was sick non-stop,” says Susie. “You can cope at home but it’s different when you’re in unfamiliar surroundings. And it didn’t help that the hotel was slow at supplying the kettle we needed to sterilise bottles. I got into warrior granny mode and sorted it. Frankly, I’d have screamed in the foyer if necessary.
“When the sickness didn’t stop, we went to hospital. I tried to amuse Sam by flying a toy aeroplane around the waiting room and buying an overpriced battery-operated digger. Later, my daughter said it really helped to have us around.”
But I really take my hat off to Hazel Davies, 70, and her retired vicar husband Paul, from Wales, who started their own tradition of multigenerational holidays seven years ago.
“Our three boys were living some distance from each other and we wanted to bring their children together so they could make ‘cousin’ memories,” explains Hazel. “We fix the date a year in advance and find a place that’s convenient for everyone. Then we hire a house that’s big enough – there are 15 of us, with children from 10 months to 20 years. Everyone does their own thing during the day. But in the evening, we get together and cook a meal. Afterwards, we play games and talk about our days.”
We now do something similar, taking trips en masse but making time for outings on our own, too. This year we hired two cars, even though it was more expensive. My verdict on multi-generational holidays? Wonderful. But I have to admit, I’m shattered. I need another break…