Is the Brexit divide kicking in – even in our own homes?
It’s the Left that really seems unable to cope with those they disagree with
I’m constantly getting into spats with my predominantly Lefty friends on everything from the malignity of the French Revolution to the madness of “decolonising” university curricula to Israel’s right to defend itself properly to the virtues of male chivalry. But believe me when I say I don’t limit myself to wrangling with Lefty chums; my Tory and Libertarian friends are just as likely to prompt a sparring session.
The broad church of people and politics that winds me up means that – if required at gunpoint to profess allegiance to a party or wing (as one increasingly is) – I would struggle. OK, I’m much more Thatcher than Tony Benn, but beyond this general tendency I bridle at the idea of being corralled into a tribe. It’s limiting, boring and bad for ideological robustness. I’m actually grateful that my Thatcher-y ideas and I have been subject to constant barrage from friends who disagree. It keeps me honest – and presumably also reminds them that their views aren’t the only ones held by educated middle class persons about town.
I also apply this credo to Brexit. I voted Remain, but instead of vowing to unfriend or hurl abuse at any Leave voter I should come across in future, I immediately set about asking Leavers – a number that includes some of my favourite people in this country – why they voted that way. Talking to them helped me understand, rather than pour scorn on, the referendum result, and made clear that Leavers were motivated by a plethora of reasons, most of which had nothing whatsoever to do with the bigotry or racism of which they are accused.
But in being happy to both speak to and be friends with Brexiters, I have found myself in a stark minority of people who voted Remain, many of whom have revealed themselves to be pathologically obnoxious bully boys and girls unable to distinguish between other voters and Satan.
Claire Fox, the writer, broadcaster and prominent Brexiter, is so used to insults and abuse now from Remainers that she was barely fazed by being called “a rather grubby xenophobic bigot” after a Radio 4 appearance last week by someone calling himself Paul, Minister of Darkness. She merely asked him which parts of her argument merited that insult.
As well as a general abandonment of public civility and refusal to engage in debate, another predictable but ghastly effect of Brexit-related intransigence has been the breakdown of friendships. As last Wednesday’s edition of the BBC’s Moral Maze, on friendship across political battle lines, made clear, politically disagreeing with someone – especially over Brexit – now comes with a very serious risk of being friend-dumped by them.
Then there’s romance. One couple I know who have been married for 30 years haven’t stopped rowing since she outed herself as a Leaver and he a Remainer. They’re far from alone.
Even Lefty celebrity couples aren’t immune to the romance-busting qualities of Brexit. Last week, actor Michael Sheen divulged that he and American comedian Sarah Silverman split up because of the referendum outcome. Sheen felt compelled to return to Blighty to campaign, while Silverman, seemingly less bothered by Brexit, wanted to stay in the US to tackle Trump.
The rise of the political echochamber, the social bubble and the lack of interest in opposing ideas – particularly among the Left – goes far beyond Brexit, of course.
This was a year in which “I’ve never kissed a Tory” T-shirts went viral. And on Newsnight, John McDonnell, the shadow chancellor, told how he couldn’t be friends with a Tory, full stop. “I can’t forgive them for they’ve done,” he said, apparently equating membership of the Conservative Party with a desire to make children starve. It would be laughable if it weren’t so scary from a likely future Chancellor.
Both Left and Right spend too much time with people like themselves and are too quick to refuse to engage with opposing arguments. It’s the Left, however, that really seems unable to cope with those they disagree with, and especially those on the Right.
Certainly among the politicised, be-Twittered class these days, it’s the emissaries of Corbynism, not of May, that snipe hardest and most persistently at those marked as enemies. They make clear that they not only disagree with them, they hate them – where can one go from there?
We should follow the lead of the married pair of MPs, Andrea Jenkyns and Jack Lopresti. Both Conservatives, they disagree over the Brexit deal – Lopresti backs it, Jenkyns is a fierce critic. In the current climate this could be fatal, but they have managed to love each other across the Brexit divide, and will even, dare I say, be the stronger for it.