Free time is worth much more than a free meal
For years, I had rows with female friends over my belief that the man should pay on the first few dates. If he was hard up? The dates should be cheap. Men have less to lose in any given courtship and seem to give less over the lifespan of the relationship.
So the least they could do, I figured, is spot you a few drinks. My friends called me retrogressive and non-feminist.
I can’t remember exactly when I stopped fighting this battle. Perhaps it was when, newly single a few years ago, I experimented with dating apps.
The dating landscape, I discovered, was a factory conveyor-belt producing shallow bonds – dates with people you’d never met and wouldn’t know from Adam.
These were not men who had taken a shine to you in real life and wanted to impress you. They were people you had brokered an agreement with to
meet up on spec. After a while, I realised a man actually turning up to a date was the true compliment. The whole thing was rather depressing.
Which is why I was amused and surprised to learn, last week, that somewhere out there – namely in the USA – men are still buying drinks and even food on the first date.
Even when the pair have met online.
According to a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personal Science, a quarter of the 1,000 women surveyed said they had gone on a date with someone they weren’t that keen on, just for the promise of a free dinner.
The study’s authors call the practice “sneating” – a mixture of the words, sneaky and eating. It is also known as going on a “foodie call” (instead of a booty call).
Magali Trejo-Martinez, 22, from Oregon described a recent date: “I had dinner, a couple margaritas and then went home… I mean, if it’s dinner, I’m not going to say no, so that I don’t have to go home and cook.”
I’m amazed, in these days of equality-awareness, that there are still men out there who are happy to buy drinks and dinner – and women willing to accept it.
Just as amazing to me is women’s willingness to trade time for food. There’s nothing worse than making polite chat with someone who bores you senseless – and having to do so long enough to order and eat an entire meal. Chivalry is great, but ladies: you can save yourself the bother for the price of a kebab.