Manchester bombing helps me deal with Covid
Sean Gardner, who suffered PTSD after the attack, is helping trauma victims cope with coronavirus
My life changed forever on the night of May 22 2017. I left my daughter, Charlotte, in the car park of Manchester Arena and went to pick up my youngest, Hannah, from an Ariana Grande concert. As I neared the venue, there was an explosion. Salman Abedi had detonated a homemade shrapnel bomb, which would kill 23 people and injure 139.
I was meeting Hannah in the foyer and ran in to check she hadn’t been injured, or worse. Thankfully she wasn’t there, but I was called over to help a seriously injured woman. I knew Charlotte was safe in the car and Hannah was likely outside (I later discovered she had fled through a side entrance) so I stayed to help – but she died before the paramedics came.
My family were physically unharmed, but we were traumatised. In the days and weeks that followed, I became fractious and spent hours going over what happened. Should I have left Charlotte on her own in the car? Could I have done anything more to save the woman? I had flashbacks, convulsions, and couldn’t sleep. I was later diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).
Out of the experience, I founded the Trauma Response Network, along with two psychotherapy experts. It offers immediate mental health support for survivors of events such as the Manchester Arena bombing and Grenfell Tower fire.
With the country facing an unprecedented health crisis due to coronavirus, we are now broadening our scope. I felt stranded after Manchester and I don’t want to see a repeat of that. People will lose their loved ones and livelihoods to Covid-19; others will feel isolated and vulnerable in lockdown; some will witness distressing scenes they can’t forget.
We have around 450 accredited therapists trained in Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) who are providing free online therapy to people traumatised by Covid-19 – particularly front-line workers. Within days of the announcement, scores of people registered and we are now helping around 20 each day.
My family witnessed varying degrees of carnage on the night of the Manchester attack. Hannah, who is now 17, heard a bang and ran to a hotel outside. Charlotte, 18, feared the worst must have happened to me as she watched paramedics bring the injured out to a makeshift triage in the car park. She saw more than a girl of her age ever should. My wife, Helen, 50, meanwhile watched the story break on the news at home and couldn’t get hold of anyone to check if we were alive.
We have all been left with mental scars. My mistake was trying to continue as normal. I took one day off, lit a candle in the church, and then went straight back to work. A week later, the events were still playing over in my mind. On the car radio, I heard the ambulance chief say that they had stood down anyone who’d been working that night, because they were so traumatised. I was in the arena before them – it made me realise how silly I was to try and carry on. I pulled over and rang the doctor.
Three weeks after the attack, an NHS therapist told me there was a 90-day wait period before I could access CBT support. I left the room thinking, “What am I going to do?” I was a mess. I hadn’t slept for 40 nights and my relationships were straining under the pressure. Instead, I arranged to see a private therapist. Within five minutes, she diagnosed me with PTSD and referred me for EMDR – a form of psychotherapy that involves recalling your trauma, while a therapist gets you to focus on eye movements.
It was a revelation – I had three sessions and I could function again. It helped me process thoughts I had forced to the back of my mind and wasn’t dealing with. While it didn’t fix me, it was as though someone had flipped a switch.
An entrepreneur by trade, I invited my EMDR therapist to the office of my company, Tute Education, one afternoon with an idea. I showed her teachers giving lessons online and asked, “Could you deliver EMDR over this?” I thought it might be a way to provide instant help to survivors of major trauma.
For the scores of people who left Manchester Arena with physical injuries, there was a pathway to recovery. But the care wasn’t equal for those of us with mental injuries. I needed a place to seek help and someone who could tell me that watching the TV and bottling it up would only make things worse.
Trauma Response Network is there to plug that 90-day gap. We’re not trying to change the NHS, but offer help to people who can’t wait. The coronavirus crisis is going to be its first major use. Our therapists are virtually assessing and treating people from their homes during lockdown. We expect the number we’re helping to dramatically increase when we contact all NHS trusts this week.
On the battlefield, EMDR is endorsed by the World Health Organisation and used to immediately calm people after trauma. It sounds brutal, but it means they can recover their fighting force more quickly. For the NHS right now, it will help doctors and nurses get back to work when we need them most.
Coronavirus will affect us all in some way. I have friends who are writing wills and know others who are living in fear. As with terrorism, there’s a constant threat. I am 54 and thankfully have no underlying health issues, but people my age will lose their lives.
My aunt and uncle (below), both in their 80s, were admitted to hospital with severe symptoms of Covid-19. Sadly, my uncle passed away. My aunt recovered but, after more than 60 years of marriage, has had to go home alone. It’s unimaginable. None of us can visit to comfort her. My uncle’s funeral was restricted to his widow and children. We’re used to giving people a proper send off, it’s part of the grieving process, but that has been taken away. You can’t get closure.
We need to get a grip on the mental health crisis that will result from coronavirus before it happens if we’re to prevent further strain on the NHS. There will be a whole generation who have suffered significant trauma.
For some, it will manifest in physical conditions later in life, too. I am now a diabetic in remission – without having ever had diabetes. My body went into “fight or flight” overdrive following the Manchester attack, altering my constitution. I can’t eat carbs and have to exercise every day. My whole lifestyle has had to change.
I am keeping a close eye on Charlotte, who was also diagnosed with PTSD. She has been affected by the school closures, but is busying herself with work as trustee of Trauma Response Network and hopes she can still take her A-levels and go to university.
In a way we’re lucky as a family. With everything we have been through, we know how to look out for one another.
We have all been left with mental scars. My mistake was trying to continue as normal