What women say when they
The ‘ultimate taboo’ is having a MeToo moment as celebrities open up about it, writes Sam Baker
The number of times we hear the word “menopause” in the news right now, it’s hard to believe it’s only three years since Allison Pearson’s ground-breaking novel, How Hard Can It Be?, was published. Her protagonist Kate Reddy hit menopause, and with it brain fog, hot flushes, night sweats and erratic periods. When Kate “came out” as perimenopausal, she was met by a conspiracy of silence.
So was I. Not only would other women not talk about it, most backed away like it might be catching. See a woman willingly talk about it in public? Not likely. Menopause was the ultimate taboo. That’s when I decided to write my book, The Shift: How I (lost and) found myself after 40, and you can too. Scroll forward to autumn 2020: Michelle Obama is talking about hot flashes and menopause is said to be having a MeToo moment. I’m proud to have played a small part in dragging menopause out of the closet.
In my podcast, “The Shift”, I ask a different high-profile woman each week to speak candidly about life after 40 in general and menopause in particular. It turns out, when they start talking about it, we all do.
Emma Freud’s brain fog was so bad she feared it was dementia
Is there a woman with a bigger to-do list than Emma Freud? She writes, edits, broadcasts, raises billions of pounds for Comic Relief, has four children and a menagerie of animals. She also told me she’s had such bad brain fog she couldn’t remember ember even simple words: “That was the scary thing. I would say, y, can you go up the… the up, down… wn… the thing that… STAIRS! It was so humiliating that I found d myself not speaking rather r than going through this ridiculous charade of communicating what I wanted to communicate. I had no idea how to do words out of my own mouth and it’s all I’ve ever done my entire life. It’s my job!” Fearing early onset dementia, she went to the
Conspiracy of silence: Allison Pearson helped drag the menopause into the open doctor. “I went in and I said, I think you should test me for Alzheimer’s. She asked me if I was menopausal and when I said yes, she said, d, ‘Well, it’s that. That’s one of the main symptoms.’ I couldn’t believe it. How w could I have got to this stage of my life ife and not known that?”
Jo Whiley took HRTT to get her confidence back
Jo Whiley, the BBC Radio dio 2 DJ, is one of the UK’s most experienced enced female broadcasters. But even she was floored by the unexpected impact act of perimenopause. “I was feeling the effects of being my age. I had that hideous brain fog which, h, unless you experience it, is so hard d to explain. It’s that awful thing of trying ng to remember stuff and it just fading away way from your brain and you can’t get the thought back into your head to articulate it.
“I did think at times that I was losing my mind. I’d read so much uch about HRT but I had the fear about t it – I’d read about the cancer links and thought I shouldn’t try it. But when en I was offered the Drivetime show I decided ecided I’d have to do something about it. So I started HRT because professionally nally I thought I ought to. It really did work. For me, that is the most marked d benefit of taking HRT – having more ore clarity in my head.”
Jojo Moyes says shee looks better at 50 than att 40
Jojo Moyes became highly hly visible when her bestseller, Me e Before You, was turned into a hit movie ovie in 2016. She was in her late 40s, a time when, in traditional terms, society ty expects women to start to fade to grey. “For three or four years I looked oked like a rabbit trapped in headlights. ights. Then I realised something had d to change.” She continues: continue “Coming g up to 50 is hard if you’re you a woman. man. But in the last few years I’ve ve made quite a few changes. . I’ve lost some weight, wei I’ve got ot a lot fitter, I’ve started to o put a lot more effort effo into taking king care of myself mys – which, h, like a lot of o English women, I was wa quite bad d at. I now look loo better than han I did at 40.” 40 That’s on n the good days. day On the bad days she says say she’s “an attractive mix of periods, p teenage enage acne, men menopausal sweats weats – all of it, all at once!”
“I used to think menopause me was a rather depressing dep word,” she adds. “I associated a it with redundancy, red a thickening of
the waist and greying of the hair, but as a 50-year-old woman I’m from a generation who are still wearing inappropriate clothing - and plan to continue to!”
Sara Collins believes menopause is an opportunity
The writer of the award-winning novel The Confessions of Frannie Langton, Sara Collins believes perimenopause is a catalyst for change in women’s lives. “It forces a kind of introspection that is enormously useful because we have all these biological reminders that we’re reaching what will be a midpoint, if we’re lucky.
“For women who have children and have been the main carer, the children leaving forces a degree of introspection. It feels almost like an emergency – I’ve got to take control of my life and myself and make sure I do the things I want to do.
“I wish I’d known back in my 20s that your 40s are going to be your best decade – even if you do get a little bit overheated at times! It’s the first time in your life when you refuse to take any crap and start putting yourself first… I’ve never felt so liberated or empowered as I do now.” She adds: “I think there’s never been a better time to be a woman at 50.”
Meg Mathews watched her mum die of osteoporosis
A regular in the gossip pages throughout the Britpop era, Meg has reinvented herself as a “menopause advocate” with her Megs-Menopause website and her book The New Hot (Ebury). Meg has very personal reasons for her advocacy. “I watched my mum die of osteoporosis in a hospice,” she told me. “It took away her whole will to live. She ended up in a nappy, she had a fractured spine… it took two to three years and was devastating to watch. I knew she had osteoporosis but had no clue it was connected to loss of oestrogen from menopause.
“When I was diagnosed with osteoporosis at 46, I had no idea what to do. Finally, when I was 54, I did a DEXA Scan, started using oestrogen gel, changed my diet and did weightbearing exercise. A second scan last year showed I’d come out of the red and into the border of osteopenia.” Half of all women in the UK will suffer osteoporosis. Meg wants to make sure her daughter, Anaïs, isn’t one of them.