A MOTHER’S VIEW – I NOW KNOW THAT ABUSED CHILDREN ARE INCREDIBLY GOOD AT COVERING IT UP
Elaine McCann, 76, David White’s mother
David was a bright, lively child. I look back now and think, why didn’t I notice what was happening to him? Was I stupid?
There were little signs, like he couldn’t sleep the night before a match when he was 11. But I just thought it was pre-game nerves.
When he was in his thirties, David sat me down and out of the blue told me that Barry Bennell had abused him. By then, Bennell was a convicted paedophile. I had asked David if that was the man he had trained with, but he had told me, “It’s fine, Mum, I was OK, don’t worry.”
The night he told me, I lay in bed feeling empty. I was overwhelmed.
For a long time, it was an unspoken thing between David and I. But a couple of years ago, he asked me to join him at a safeguarding workshop, where there were other families of survivors. It was eye-opening to realise I wasn’t on my own.
Like the other parents, I wrestle with feelings of guilt. It’s my child, for heaven’s sake. It isn’t something that’s with me all the time, but like with bereavement, there are things that catch me off guard. I wrote a play about a mother who discovers her child is a survivor of abuse that helped me explain some of my feelings.
I don’t think the abuse of children will ever stop – at every level we have to be aware.
I have now learnt that abused children are incredibly good at covering up what’s happening, especially when they and their parents have been groomed.
That’s why it’s important for parents to make sure their children know it’s something they can talk about.
Schools should do the same. I can’t change the past, but I might be able to help change the future.
Like other parents, I wrestle with feelings of guilt. It’s my child, for heaven’s sake