IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

An aggressive swan has wrought misery on a group of model boat enthusiasts, by destroying eight of their vessels – some of which were worth thousands of pounds, and had taken years to build. “He is a menace on the lake,” said Cliff Galsworthy of the Gipping Valley Model Boat Club. ”He just smashes at them with his wings. He annihilates them, tries to get on top and sink them. If you sail within 30 to 50 yards of him he will attack.” One club member is so distraught, he has written to the Queen, asking her to remove the swan.

An Austrian tattoo artist has been jailed for etching an image of a penis, alongside the word “f***”, on a female customer’s back. She had asked for a tattoo of a yin-yang symbol, and only realised she’d got a penis instead when she got home and looked in the mirror. Asked in court why he’d done it, the tattooist replied: “Just because.” A man called Dave Hemingway has made history by becoming the first person with that surname to win the annual “Papa” Hemingway LookAlike Contest in Key West, Florida. The competition, which is in its 36th year, attracted 140 entrants. Hemingway, who is not related to the literary giant, won the contest on his seventh attempt, having dressed in a cream-coloured woollen sweater similar to one favoured by the late author. “Even though this sweater is really hot, it was part of my strategy,” he said. “And I think it worked really well.”