IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

A Norwegian man had to be rescued from inside a public toilet, after crawling into it in search of his friend’s dropped mobile phone. The 20-year-old slipped down through the seat, and got into the tank beneath easily enough. But it seems he may not have realised that the outdoor lavatory was not attached to the sewage network, and that its tank was emptied only once a year. Thus he found himself thigh-deep in faeces, in a small, dark, animal-infested space – and unable to get out again. To make matters worse, he then vomited. He was stuck for an hour before firemen called by his friends smashed the plastic loo and dragged him out – without the phone. “It was pretty full down there,” they confirmed. A teenager who escaped from custody in Australia was worried that her police mug shot was insufficiently flattering – so she posted a photo of her own, and asked local media to use it instead. “Can you use this photo, please and thank you. Yours truly, Amy Sharp xx,” wrote the 18-year-old, alongside an angel emoji. She was reportedly being held for property offences. On Facebook, she describes herself as “just a lil princess with anger issues”.

After 55 years living with the same owner in California, a 100-year-old tortoise made a break for freedom. Touche managed to get more than 6.5 miles in ten days, before being found and returned to its owner, Nancy Knauss, 60. Knauss was given the tortoise when she was just five years old.