IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

When coachloads of Chinese tourists began arriving in the Oxfordshire village of Kidlington this summer, locals were baffled. Kidlington is not “quaint”, and in any case, the visitors seemed mainly interested in touring a 1970s housing estate, looking into front gardens and admiring flower beds and hanging baskets. Now, the mystery has been solved: the BBC handed out a questionnaire in Mandarin, and learned from a tour firm guide that Kidlington is being marketed as a place where Chinese visitors can get a “true sense” of life in Britain, while en route to the Bicester Village shopping outlet. Children trick or treating in the US on Halloween this year faced a new horror: an array of “Trumpkins”, featuring all manner of alarming expressions. Americans often dress up as politicians on Halloween, but this is believed to be the first year when a presidential candidate has been widely immortalised in pumpkin. He was the “scariest thing I could think of”, explained one carver, after posting a picture of her handiwork on social media. However, there were quite a few Clintkins on display, too.

A pensioner who was caught speeding went to extraordinary lengths to avoid a £60 fine. Gordon Lewis, 74, was caught by a speed trap, and faced the fine plus three points on his licence. Rather than pay up, Lewis, from Cornwall, claimed to have sold his car two days earlier, to a fictitious company. He created a phony website for the firm, and fake documents to back up his story. But the ploy failed – and he ended up being jailed for eight months.