IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

In the wake of the total eclipse of the Sun last week, patients began turning up at emergency clinic in American hospitals requiring treatment for the adverse effects of applying sun cream to their eyeballs. Apparently, they thought it would do as a “second best” to the Nasaapproved protective glasses that most people wore.

Move over Mr Whippy: a new version of the 99 ice cream has gone on sale at Selfridges in London – and The Billionaire’s Soft Serve costs £99. For your money, you get salted caramel ice cream piped into a cone dipped in Madagascan chocolate and coated in edible pearls; added to that are gelato spheres of mango, ginger and passion fruit, a macaroon decorated with edible diamonds, a white chocolate truffle, a liberal sprinkling of 24-carat gold leaf, a gold-leaf wrapped Flake and a spoon. The confection takes 15 minutes to make, and is so big and heavy (350g) it has to be held in two hands. A man who found his pet tortoise lying at the bottom of his pond brought it back to life by giving it mouth-tomouth resuscitation. Retired postman John Fletcher said that Freda – aged 45 – had been in the water for at least an hour when he found her. She was limp and lifeless, but he refused to give up on her. He gave her the kiss of life then, when he felt a tiny sign of movement, warmed her up with a hairdryer. Finally, she opened her eyes. Reptile expert Loz Bogaert seemed surprised by the story, but conceded that “anything is possible”.