IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

Disgruntled West Ham fans have been urged to stop calling emergency services to complain about a recent defeat. Apparently a number of fans have dialled 999 since the Hammers’ 2-0 loss to Watford this month left them in the relegation zone. In a tweet, the police warned: “Ringing 999 because @Westhamutd have lost again and you aren’t sure what to do is not acceptable!“

If you’re after a bargain house, look on Fanny Street. Research in Australia has revealed that houses on streets with “embarrassing” names sell for 20% less than those on surrounding roads. The examples cited include Willys Avenue, Butt Street and Wanke Road. When police in Pasuruan, Java, pulled over a sorrylooking 22-year-old and discovered he was riding a motorcycle without a licence, they spared him a fine... and offered him a job instead. The man’s name, it turned out, was Mr Polisi, which means “police” in Indonesian. When Polisi’s ID card photo went viral on social media, the police decided to adopt him as a mascot, bought him a driving licence and offered him a job at their station. He began work last week (above). “It’s a new experience for me,” said Polisi, who since his father’s death has been his family’s breadwinner. “I promise to do my best.”

A householder from Glasgow came home to find his home had been broken into – and the burglar still inside, fast asleep next to a half-eaten pie and covered in Doritos. “He woke up in cuffs,” said the local police in a tweet.