IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

Villagers in rural India were thrilled when a mysterious blue rock fell from the sky, thinking it was a meteorite. Some residents of Fazilpur Badli chopped off sections of the 26lb lump as souvenirs. But officials instead suspect that it is in fact “blue ice”: human waste mixed with disinfectant and dropped from a passing aeroplane. “Villagers who kept it inside their refrigerators,” said one resident, “are now busy cleaning their houses.” An 18th century mummy dug up 40 years ago in a Swiss church is, it transpires, the great-greatgreat-great-great-greatgreat grandmother of Boris Johnson. The body was unearthed in 1975 during renovations on Basel’s Barfüsser Church. Historical research and DNA analysis has revealed that it is the remains of Anna Catharina Bischoff, a direct ancestor of Johnson’s. Her body was mummified by mercury poisoning, probably given as a treatment for syphilis.

The world’s most famous grumpy cat has won $710,000 in a lawsuit. Grumpy Cat (pictured) became a social media sensation in 2012, and the US coffee firm Grenade Beverage paid for the right to use the scowling pet’s image on its iced Grumppuccino. But the cat’s owner, Tabatha Bundesen, later took Grenade to court, complaining that it also used the cat’s image on other products. Last week she won the court case. Grumpy Cat’s lawyer, David Jonelis, said he thought it was the first time an internet meme had won a court case.