IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

When police in North Ridgeville, Ohio, received a call at 5:26am last Saturday from a man who said he was “being followed by a pig and didn’t know what to do”, they thought they must be dealing with a drunk. They were surprised to find a “very sober male” walking home from a nearby train station, pursued by a hog that was over-affectionately “nudging” him. The pig, it transpires, was a 50lb porker named Zoey, which was wrangled into a police cruiser and in time reunited with its owner.

Brian Blessed launched an expletive-laden rant while hosting a dinner for a 200strong group of farmers in Coventry last week. The actor, now 81, who was dressed as a Tudor king, was asked what laws he would bring in as a monarch. When he replied that he would ban farmers culling badgers, there was booing and one of the guests shouted and swore at him. In response, the Flash Gordon star bellowed: “You’re all c***s, I hope you all die of TB.” He then stormed out, yelling that it had been a “s*** idea” for him to host the pig and poultry farmers’ do.

A Chinese family was shocked when the pet dog they had raised for two years turned out to be a black bear. The family bought what they thought was a Tibetan mastiff in 2016. They realised their mistake when it wouldn’t stop growing and started walking on two legs. “The more he grew, the more like a bear he looked,” said Su Yun, who lives near Kunming, Yunnan province. “I’m a little scared of bears,” she added.