IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

A CV listing the achievements of a five-year-old boy has gone viral in China. The 15-page document, apparently prepared for entry to an elite school in Shanghai, claims that the child has a “unique” personality, and “rich and varied experience”; he has memorised about 100 classic Chinese poems, reads 500 English books a year, never cries when receiving injections and enjoys lab experiments. His timetable includes playing the piano, logic training, calculation practice and hiphop dancing. But he’s emotionally intelligent too: “I write three English essays per week to express my feelings.”

A new statue of Mo Salah has been unveiled in Sharm El Sheikh in his native Egypt, to global ridicule. It features the Liverpool striker in his trademark celebration pose, with arms outstretched, but there the likeness ends. Critics suggested it resembled the singer Art Garfunkel, or Beavis and Butt-head. Even the sculpture’s creator, Mia Abdel Allah, conceded that she was “not fully satisfied with the end product”, blaming the bronze casting process

Amethyst Realm is engaged to a ghost. Realm, 30, a spirit counsellor from Bristol, had had 20 “phantom flings” before she met The One, during a trip to Australia. She and her ghostly love consummated their affair on the plane home, and he popped the question during a visit to Wookey Hole Caves. They’re planning “quite a big do”. “Most of my friends are happy that I’ve found love,” she told The Sun. “If they think I’m mad, they seem to be keeping it to themselves.”