IT MUST BE TRUE… I read it in the tabloids

During the Chinese president Xi Jinping’s recent state visit to Myanmar, a post appeared on the official Facebook account of the host country’s leader Aung San Suu Kyi, stating: “Mr Shithole, President of China, arrives at 4pm.” It went on to refer to Xi as “Mr Shithole” several further times. Facebook later apologised for the mishap, blaming “a technical issue” that had caused Xi’s name to be wrongly translated from Burmese to English.

A West London couple have won a four-year legal battle to ban their neighbour from feeding their cat. Jackie (above) and John Hall were “upset and distressed” that their handsome Maine Coon, Ozzy, spent long periods away from their home, so they installed a GPS tracker on his collar to see where he ended up. The trail led to the house of a local landscape gardener, Nicola Lesbirel, who they claimed spent years “grooming” Ozzy, feeding him, keeping him at her home, even changing his collar. The Halls hired a top QC and last week, a court injunction was granted banning Lesbirel from feeding Ozzy or taking him in. She said the case had cost her £20,000 in legal fees.

A Ukrainian man awoke to find that his wife had placed a metal “chastity nut” on his penis, after discovering that he had been sleeping around. The unnamed man, in serious pain, was taken to hospital in the city of Zaporizhia, where a local rescue crew was enlisted to cut the nut off with a bandsaw. He is expected to regain full function in his penis. He is also considering getting a divorce.