IT MUST BE TRUE… I read it in the tabloids

A Belgian man has been the victim of a bizarre nine-yearlong harassment campaign: for nearly a decade, he has been sent pizzas that he never ordered. “I cannot sleep any more,” said Jean Van Landeghem, who lives in Turnhout. “I start shaking every time I hear a scooter on the street.” One day in 2019, ten delivery drivers turned up on a single day, one of them trying to deliver 14 pizzas. The 65-year-old has reported the campaign to police, but still doesn’t know who’s behind it. “I cannot take it any more,” he said.

An irate homeowner interrupted a major housing policy announcement by the Australian prime minister, Scott Morrison, to lambast the media for standing on his lawn. “Can everyone get off the grass, please?” the man asked the assembled press pack. “Sure, let’s just move back from there”, the PM said, before the man – pointing at his lawn – continued: “Hey guys! I’ve just reseeded that.” He then apologised for the interruption, telling Morrison: “Sorry, mate.”

Doctors have removed a two-foot phone charging cable from an Indian man’s bladder, after he went to hospital complaining of abdominal pain. The 30-yearold man initially claimed he had swallowed some headphones – but doctors later established he had inserted the cable into his penis. “If he had been honest then we could have treated him sooner,” said Dr Walliul Islam, who said he had removed the cord and the patient is now fine. “The psychiatrist can help him beyond this point.”