Forget-me-nots: Long Live The Guisers!
Ibecame an actor during Christmas 1947 when I was 13 years old. Up to this time I was so shy, so self-conscious, that I cringed every time I entered a cafe or room where people were present. But then I became a member of a group of guisers (sometimes called mummers) who at Christmas went around my corner of Nottinghamshire performing a kind of seasonal play which dated back to medieval times. Six boys with blackened faces formed the group.
The one who began the play was called the “Opener In”. Here one needed a lad full of gusto and self-confidence. In Keith Simpson we had just the right boy. Dressed in top hat and tails he would knock loudly on the door of the house where we intended to perform, then walk straight in uninvited and begin.
This element of surprise was vital, for once we were in not many people stopped us, especially once their children saw Keith’s blackened face. His opening lines were: “I open the door and enter in, I beg your pardon to begin: Whether I sit or stand or fall I’ll do my duty to please you all. Room! Room! Give us room! To sport our merry rhyme, For remember good sirs Tis Christmastime. Step in St. George and clear
the way.” St. George then appeared wielding a huge sword. Sometimes he would cut through any garlands that were hanging too low. Then he would shout: “I am St. George from old England
sprung, My name throughout the world has
rung: Many brave deeds and wonders I have
known, I have made tyrants tremble on their
throne. I followed a fair maid to dungeon
deep, Confounding beauty to meet her fate; When a giant almost struck me dead, But by my good valour I cut off his
head!” After his noble speech I would run in dressed as a soldier and carrying a sword. My part was Slasher, and being disguised I was able to give the part everything; all my inhibitions were erased by soot and rouge. Confidently I would begin: “I am a gallant soldier and Slasher is
my name, With sword and buckler by my side I’m sure to win the game. A fight with thee St. George if thou art
able, Disable, disable, stand thee not in my
power For if I draw my glistening sword I’ll soon thee devour. My arms of brass, my body of steel No man on earth can make me feel!” St. George then challenged me to a fight, waving his sword in my face and shouting: “Stand back! Stand back thou dirty dog! I’ll make your buttons fly! I’ll cut they belly clean in two And thou will surely die! Take guard you white-livered beast For hungry crows on you will feast.”
I then began to fight St. George, and after about half a minute I would fall on the floor seriously wounded. Then Keith, the “Opener In”, would shout:
“A doctor! A doctor! Ten pounds for a doctor!”
A boy dressed as a doctor would run in carrying a black bag and say: “I am a doctor, sir.” Opener: “Art thou really a doctor sir?” Doctor: “Yes sir I am.” Opener: “Where has thou travelled?” Doctor: “Italy, Sicily, France and Spain, O’er the seas and home again.” Opener: “What can’st thou cure?” Doctor: “The itch, the stitch, the palsy
and gout, If there were 19 devils in I’d cast 20
out!” Opener: “Then cure me this man.” The doctor then knelt beside Slasher and took a bottle from his bag and proceeded to administer the potion, saying: “Here Jack take a little nip nap And shove it down thy tip tap And live to fight again.” I would then rise again and the four of us would stand back as Beelzebub entered carrying a club and a dripping pan. He would say: “In comes our old Beelzebub, Over me shoulder I carries me club; In me hand a dripping pan, Don’t you think I’m a jolly old man? If you don’t, I do.
Now if you think I’m a fool And got no sense, Put your hands in your pockets And gis a few pence.” Beelzebub then moved over and stood with the others as he held out the dripping pan. Then Devildoubt appeared carrying a sweeping brush:
“In comes little Devildoubt
With his breeches inside out,
Money I want and money I crave, If you don’t give me money I’ll sweep you to the grave.” Devildoubt swept the floor and all the players began to sing a carol before Beelzebub took the pan around for the collection. Mostly we would be given a shilling, sometimes more depending on people’s generosity.
Occasionally we entered dimly lit kitchens without the lady of the house hearing us; then if she appeared she would become spellbound or hysterical on seeing our black faces.
Sometimes while the “Opener In” was performing, we would stand patiently waiting in the kitchen; likely as not a mince pie or two would stray into our hands. If we were lucky the landlord of the village pub let us perform there. This was our bonanza, for after our play came the great collection — and people gave more when under the influence.
Most of us came from poor families and we earned more money this way than we had ever had before — but it was tough work, especially in the harsh winters of 1946 and 1947. I remember how our feet became anaesthetised, our ears stinging with the biting frosts. As we plodded through the snow, the shivering wires overhead became our garlands, the swan-necked street lamps our fairy lights.
One Christmas Eve we decided to ask the local mine owner, who lived in a big house about half a mile away from the village. “We should make at least £1 there,” said Keith.
So off we trudged up the hill, past the farm with its sugarloaf haystack, past the meadows shining lake-like in the moonlight, then on to the rich man’s house which was set in an acre of grounds.
On arriving we crunched our way under the stone arch with its icy coping and scrambled to be the first to bang the heavy lion’s head door-knocker.
I can still remember how startled the butler looked when he saw our blackened faces and fancy dress. Then we became startled as two huge bloodhounds appeared, snarling ferociously, fixing us with glassy eyed stares.
After we explained our business we were kindly invited to perform for the kitchen staff while the butler went to enquire if the mine owner would allow us to act before his family. Twenty minutes later, with our appetites sated and five precious shillings clutched tightly in Keith’s hand, we were ushered along a dimly lit passage, flanked by suits of armour and dark period furniture.
Eventually we were given the cue to begin. When it was my turn I distinctly remember noticing the vastness of the room and feeling its warmth emanating from the big ornamental fireplace. I also remember that as I lay wounded my face was only inches away from the toothy end of a tiger-skin rug.
The children of the house, who had obviously never seen the likes of us before, loved the performance and clapped rapturously. After the applause we waited confidently for what we all thought would be a large reward. It was fortunate that our expressions were hidden behind greasepaint as the mustachioed, tweed-coated master of the house handed Keith two florins (four shillings), saying smugly: “Jolly good show lads. You must come and entertain us again next year.”
As we walked away from the tightfisted affluence we vowed we would never again return to that particular residence.