CHRIS HARRIS

Wondering what to do with all this new-found spare time? Chris has many excellent suggestions

First column under lockdown conditions – hopefully the last one too. It doesn’t take much to remind people who love cars and driving how much happiness they attach to these things. I’m writing this two weeks into the process and with the prospect of us facing a much longer period of inactivity, it’s difficult not to feel pretty gloomy.

So what do you do? First, if you have the space, you fettle. You don’t need to be some master-spanner, just do anything that gives you an excuse to hang around your machine – check the tyre pressures, clean the wiper blades, polish the insides of the wheels. There are two advantages to this activity: your car will end up in better shape when we are readmitted into the human race, and any time apart from the family will probably save a marriage.

Next, locate all reading matter related to cars that is printed. Organise it in order of age – putting the oldest first – and get back into the business of reading about cars. We’ve all become so absorbed in moving pictures of cars – yes, I know I’m part of the problem – but now is a great time to remind ourselves of the great paradox of auto journalism. Namely that, for some reason, even in the age of 8K video and endless high quality content, I still think a brilliantly executed set of images and words are unbeatable. Go back and read some old car magazines and books. It will also help stave off that divorce.

Next, evening times. Pour yourself a generous scoop of whisky and go back through old photos, V5s, documents – whatever you have lying around or stored near you. I’m doing it a lot at the moment and, as wistful, self-indulgent displacement activities go, boy, is it pleasurable.

I found an old Clifford alarm keyfob and it just brought endless memories flooding back. Because I was one of those morons who had a Clifford alarm with the proximity sensor that shouted “Step away from the car” if someone came too close, or it rained, or a pigeon flew over it. One day, someone keyed every panel and carved an anarchy sign into the roof – most likely a neighbour who’d had enough of a terrible impersonation of Robocop keeping them awake all night. Looking back, I don’t blame them.

All that from a humble keyfob. Because the one thing those of us not brave enough to be on the front line have now is time. Time to let our minds wander and to sit among boxes of crap and reminisce.

But you will need some YouTube time. Here’s some top picks. First, go and watch Colin McRae’s onboard from the first stage of Rally GB 2001 – it’s about as good a piece of driving as you’ll ever see. At the end of that you’ll be wanting some more Colin, so try his run through Molls Gap in a MkII Escort. I bet you haven’t watched The Ruf Yellowbird Nürburgring lap for a while? Do so – if anything, it looks more insane now than it did 30 years ago.

But, most of all, stay at home – if by the time you read this, we’re still being told to do so. Don’t be tempted to try those empty roads unless you have to. Stay safe people, and to all of you NHS workers – you’re all heroes.

“JUST DO ANYTHING THAT GIVES YOU AN EXCUSE TO HANG AROUND YOUR MACHINE”