THE MIDDLE LANE
A free EV for every town resident? It may not be quite the gesture it first seems...
“FRENCH TOWN GOES ALL-ELECTRIC WITH A NEW RENAULT ZOE FOR EVERY RESIDENT,” bellowed the Renault press release.
Yes, in an apparently insane bout of philanthropy, Renault last month announced it had donated a Zoe to everyone in the remote town of Appy, in the Ariege region of southern France.
Apparently this move will help Renault “understand the way customers interact with and use electric vehicles day-to-day”. “If the inhabitants of one of the country’s most isolated towns can adopt an electric way of life, it’ll prove that everyone can,” claimed the press release.
However, things may not be so charitable as they first appear. Renault states that “this is the first time a settlement has been occupied by residents exclusively driving electric cars,” indicating Appy locals weren’t so much gifted a free Zoe as forced to give up their existing cars in exchange for an electric supermini, slightly tipping the scheme from ‘generous ecogesture’ into ‘forced programme of social re-education’. What if there’s a town-wide power cut? You’ve forced everyone in a remote mountain town to go all-electric, Renault. You’re one severed mains cable away from a Lord of the Flies situation.
“YOU’VE FORCED EVERYONE IN A REMOTE MOUNTAIN TOWN TO GO ALL-ELECTRIC, RENAULT”
Whichever way, it promises to be a fascinating social experiment (though not quite so fascinating as if Renault had supplied Appy with precisely one fewer charging cables than cars). Still, I’m concerned Renault hasn’t thought through the implications of a town of identical EVs.
Supermarket tannoys, for starters. They’re going to have a nightmare. “This is a customer announcement. Could the owner of a blue Renault Zoe please make themselves known to the checkout staff...” It’ll make an absolute mess of the traditional keys-in-the-pot swingers’ party arrangement, too.
Worse still, what if someone’s got a bulky item to transport? “Bonjour Yvan! Long temps no regarder! Need to get an old wardrobe down to the tip, but it won’t fit in my Zoe. Any chance I could borrow yo – ah, yes, I see. Yep, already tried François. And Serge. And Matthieu...”
Upon closer inspection, one piece of information was missing from Renault’s press release. At no point did it happen to mention quite how many thousands of Zoes had been handed out, gratis. So I looked up Appy on the map and, well, fair to say ‘town’ is a generous description. In fact, ‘hamlet’ would be a generous description. You know how many people live in Appy? 26. With a car for each household, it would appear Renault handed over a grand total of... 11 Zoes.
Also, when you check the small print, turns out Renault hasn’t quite donated those Zoes, but instead loaned them – albeit free – for three years. So here’s the big question: at the end of the loan period, will the locals hang on to their Zoes, or can Renault expect many Appy returns? Arf.