The irks of living in Uxbridge...
A LOT of Uxbridge residents can quite rightly be defensive about their town since they know it sometimes gets a bad rap it does not deserve.
This has been true since as far back as the early 19th century, when one William Arabin claimed Uxbridge residents would “steal the very teeth out of your mouth as you walk through the streets”.
That said, wanting to defend our home from unjustified attacks by outsiders does not mean we cannot acknowledge that some things about living in the area are pretty annoying.
Here’s a list of 19 things that most people in Uxbridge will find slightly annoying ...
Radio 2 breakfast presenter Chris Evans having the audacity to claim most people “haven’t heard of Uxbridge”.
Radio 2 breakfast presenter Chris Evans bring proven correct when you meet someone and they haven’t heard of Uxbridge
People who have heard of Uxbridge but exclusively in the context of Boris Johnson
When Uxbridge is referred to as the “Venice of west London” because it has a canal
How long it takes to get into London on the Metropolitan line. It seems like you have spent your life commuting into London on the Metropolitan. In fact, it is possible that you were both born in and may die on a Metropolitan line train into London
That sinking feeling when you think about going out but then remember Liquid is closed – let’s hope ATIK will be just as good, though
The chilling reminder of your mortality that you have become too old for the Fountain Hills youth club
Or, if you are slightly older, the relentless and oncoming rush of time that hits you whenever you see the mould growing on the carpet of the abandoned Blockbuster video store
Feeling old because you are frightened of the “youths” outside the town centre Tesco before remembering you were frightened of them when you were technically a “youth” too
The N207 giving up and ditching you at Hayes bypass at 3am
Missing the U1 and having to take the long way round on the U10 when you have forgotten your headphones
Tripping on the door frame on the way out of a Costa coffee shop and immediately falling into one of the other thousands of Costas
Having to take part in the walking equivalent of a slalom race to avoid all the people trying to shove a clipboard in your face walking down the main road
Your suspicion that the serious-faced patrons of your local pub do not think you are a serious or local enough drinker to be there
People who cannot tell the difference between Yiewsley and West Drayton
Or, worse, are pathologically incapable of remembering Cowley exists
Brunel students parading through Whitehall Road every Wednesday at 4am, which is fine because they are “young” and “having fun”, but also if they could have less fun that would be great
On the other hand, people slagging off Brunel University when it boasts such distinguished alumni as Noel Fielding and former England footballer Tony Adams
The growing number of inner Londoners realising they were wrong and trying to move here – sorry, Uxbridge is closed, go live in Stratford