IT BREAKTHROUGH!
IT help desks could soon become a thing of the past after a frustrated office worker managed to fix his computer... by shouting at it!
Byron Boatswain, 42, had repeatedly tried to open an accounts program on his office PC, only for the programme to freeze and display an error message. After rebooting his computer several times to no avail, he eventually snapped and yelled “Look! Just work you fucking useless pile of fucking shit.” And he was amazed to see that it did the trick. “I couldn’t believe it,” he told IT World magazine.
Word of Byron’s achievement got round the office, and he was soon asked to sort out a colleague’s iMac which was refusing to accept an e-mail account password.
“I tapped in the password which she assured me was correct, only to be faced by an ‘incorrect’ message each time,” he said. “After about ten attempts, I went red in the face and typed it in whilst shouting ‘It is the right fucking password you stupid... fucking... Apple... bastard.’ And the account opened up.”
“I don’t know the first thing about computers, but I seem to have a bit of a knack for fixing problems by bollocking them,” he said.
Boatswain’s actions have been heralded as a major technological breakthrough by experts, and many believe that in the future, all complex computer issues could be solved using a range of profanities delivered with varying degrees of anger.
Byron heralds new era of IT troubleshooting
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And Dr Tarquin Button, lecturer in Computer Studies at Warwick University, revealed that a study was already underway to determine the combinations of verbal abuse that computers are most likely to respond to.
“So far we’ve discovered that spending up to an hour on the phone trying to sort out a login reset can be easily avoided by simply screaming ‘Oh, for fuck’s SAKE! Go and fuck youself with your fucking error message,’ whilst throwing a biro at the monitor,” he said.
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“And any error message saying that your computer has experienced a problem and needs to shut down can usually be rectified by lifting the keyboard above your head and shouting, ‘ Right, you’re going out the fucking window, you big fucking pile of plastic wank’.”
“This new appraoch could revolutionise the relationship we have with technology,” he added.