Hat’s Life!
Scientists set to unveil hat that will make wearers immortal
OXFORD boffins have invented a revolutionary hat that will allow its wearers to live forever. According to a report in this week’s New Scientist the hat, which is presently being developed at the university’s department of biological sciences, will hold the ageing process at bay indefinitely, bestowing immortality upon those who put it on.
Research team leader Professor Klaus Wunderlich stressed that the project was still at an early stage but he was optimistic that a working, affordable immortality hat would be available by 2020 at the latest.
“This is a tremendously exciting project,” said Professor Wunderlich. “Our hat will prevent the wearer’s cells from undergoing senescence, the process by which DNA degrades and which eventually leads to ageing and death. It is these genetic switches that the hat will turn off, allowing the cells, and therefore the body, to live forever.”
“The wearer will have to keep the hat on forever, so it has got to be hard-wearing, with a timeless design that is suitable for both formal and informal occasions,” the Professor continued. “At present we’re thinking of something along the lines of a charcoal Homburg with a classic soft brim for men, and for the ladies a teal-coloured clochestyle hat with a contrasting band and discreet side bow.”
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“We’re probably looking at another six months work getting the style right, and then we can start thinking about how it’s going to work,” he said. “At the moment we’ve got no idea about how a hat can halt the ageing process, but we’re going to have a good think about it. I’m sure we’ll come up with something.”
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New Scientist editor Graham Lawton said that the hat of immortality was an exciting prospect, but he could foresee problems. “Whatever style they choose, it will inevitably date,” he told us. “A Homburg may look smart now in 2017, but fashions change. 500 years down the line, when everyone is wearing silver helmets with aerials on the top, it’s going to look dated and passé.”
And Radio 4 Inside Science presenter Adam Rutherford was also sceptical. “The hat would have to come with some kind of chinstrap,” he said.
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“If it blew off in the wind, the wearer would immediately crumble like a Dracula caught in a shaft of sunlight, as hundreds or even thousands of years of ageing caught up with them instantaneously,” he added.