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IT SEEMS like ev­ery day a new re­port is re­leased on the shock­ing and har­row­ing ef­fects of cli­mate change. Scep­tics may shake their heads and sigh, but the fig­ures speak for them­selves: mankind’s bur­geon­ing car­bon emis­sions are dev­as­tat­ing the en­vi­ron­ment, boost­ing the Earth’ s tem­per­a­ture and caus­ing sea lev­els to rise dra­mat­i­cally. And whilst pop prog­nos­ti­ca­tors BUSTED fa­mously pre­dicted that hu­man­ity would be liv­ing un­der­wa­ter by the Year 3000, one expert fears that our com­plete sub­mer­gence could come much sooner than that. “Bri­tain will be 300 feet be­neath the ocean by 2020,” says PRO

FESSOR DALIBAR SINGH, head of Cli­matic Change­ol­ogy at Ox­ford Brookes Univer­sity. He told us: “I’m 100% on this one. The num­bers all add up - there’s lit­er­ally no doubt about it.”

But what will Un­der­wa­ter Bri­tain look like? How will it func­tion? And how will its sub­aque­ous cit­i­zens work, rest, travel and fuck? Here, in a special in­ves­tiga­tive re­port, Pro­fes­sor Singh ex­am­ines ev­ery as­pect of life in the wa­tery king­dom of sunken Bri­tain that is now just three years away.

“UK will be sub­aquatic by 2020,” pre­dicts top bof­fin

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