Why I am now a Match­maker … by Royal Ap­point­ment!


VIZ - - News -

OVER the years, I must of in­tro­duced thou­sands of my very fa­mous friends to other very fa­mous friends of mine, who they’ve then gone on to marry. An­gelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Cather­ine Zeta Jones and Michael Dou­glas. Richard Bur­ton and El­iz­a­beth Tay­lor. All these and count­less more cou­ples of glit­ter­ing stars have Yours Truly to thank for get­ting them to­gether, and for which they will be eter­nally grate­ful to me for.

But now I can add blue-blooded roy­alty to the roll­call of my match­mak­ing hall of fame, which al­ready reads like a Who’s Who of show­biz’s A-est Lis­ters.

For I can now re­veal that it was me, Pierce Dorgan, what brought Prince Harry and his bride-to-be Meghan Markle to­gether. It was July 2016. I was hav­ing a quiet din­ner at a very exclusive restau­rant with a few of my clos­est friends, in­clud­ing Jon Bon­jovi, Liza Minelli, Alan Shearer, Mika Hakki­nen, Bjork, Deng Xiao-Ping, Cathy Staff, Tiger Woods and Mickey Dolenz, when I got a text from my very good friend Prince Harry.

“I’m bored, Piers,” read the mes­sage. “I meet so many peo­ple dur­ing the course of my royal du­ties, but I have so few real friends. And out of those few real friends that I have, you’re easy the best one. Mind if I come round?” “Sure thing, H,” I typed back. As I put my phone back into the pocket of my £10,000 be­spoke Lab­o­ra­toire Garnier Sav­ille Row suit, it pinged again. “Ex­cuse me,” I said to Jeff Lynne, Pro­fes­sor Steven Hawk­ings, Yvonne Goolagong, Mel Brooks, Wayne Sleep, Joe Bugner, Gla­dys Knight and the Pips and Bruce Spring­steen, who all hap­pened to be vy­ing for my at­ten­tion at that mo­ment. “I’ve just got to check my mes­sages again.”

The text that popped up on the screen was from an­other one of my very very very close friends, Suits star Meghan Markle. “Hi Piers,” it read. “Just flown in from LA 2CU.” Then there was at least ten kiss emo­jis, pos­si­bly more. True, that’s a lot of kiss emo­jis to put on a text mes­sage, but it serves as an in­di­ca­tion of how good of friends Meghan is with me.

Other friends of mine who put ten or more kiss emo­jis on their texts to me in­clude Joan Collins, Mi­ley Cyrus, Brigitte Bar­dot, Scar­let Jo­hans­son, Char­l­ize Theron, Bianca Jag­ger, Elle “the Body” McPher­son, Lucinda Prior-Palmer, Rachel Hey­hoe-Flint, Sir Norman St. John-Stevas and El­lie Gould­ing. Any­way, to cut a long story short, they never turned up. They must of bumped into each other out­side the restau­rant or some­thing and de­cided to get mar­ried.

Sav­ile Row, where I got my Garnier suit.

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