THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON!
Katie Price, Polymathic ex-tit model I think it’s like a magical world all covered in like Swarovski crystals and that and there’s this princess what lives there in a castle made of Swarovski crystals only she’s really sad because there isn’t not no light there because it’s on the dark side of the moon and everythink so while she’s the richest princess in the world because she’s got all them Swarovski crystals she’s always like really sad. David Attenborough, Naturist I have spent my entire career studying all the diverse forms of life on earth, and if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that life can flourish in even the most inhospitable environments. At the bottom of the deepest ocean, at the top of the highest mountain, in the permafrost of the Arctic and in the bowels of the hottest volcano, life thrives. And there is no reason to imagine that the dark side of the moon is any different. If we ever ventured there, perhaps we would see dinosaursize reptiles with three eyes, giant silver crabs walking upright on two legs, or maybe monkeys, ostensibly similar to those on earth, but with ten cocks. And the females would have about twenty fannies.
Gregg Wallace, Fighty greengrocer
I think that if you ventured to the dark side of the Moon, you might find a world that appeared at first sight to be a Utopia. It would look a bit like Ancient Greece, with marble fountains, all big bowls of succulent fruit everywhere, and all the people wearing togas and playing harps. It would only be after a few days living there that it would suddenly dawn on you that there were no old people and it was actually an authoritarian Dystopia where once you get to the age of 30 you get sent for “recycling”. There may be a small band of renegades who have managed to escape and are now living in the drains, but because it’s on the dark side of the Moon, I guess we’ll never know.
Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England
As a full-time economist, Governor of the Bank of England and Chairman of the G20 Financial Stability Board, I get very little time to exercise my imaginative faculty. As a consequence, I envisage the Dark Side of the Moon to be very similar, if not identical, to the side that we see, that is to say, grey, bereft of interest, and pockmarked with craters from various meteoric impacts that have occurred during the last 4.51 billion years. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and turn the Exchange Rate Mechanism up by a quarter of one percent.
Dappy, Out of N-Dubz
After the end of the film Alien vs Predator, I think the two species made a truce and decided to take over the earth together, pooling their resources. And what better place for them to set up their base than on the Dark Side of the Moon where we can’t see them. They can see us, of course, because they’ve got a big periscope poking over the top.