“I’ve saved the Earth... now I’m going to save the Moon”~ Bono

U 2front- bellend Bono has volunteered his services as the world’s Goodwill Ambassador to the Moon. Addressing the United Nations, the singer, 57, said he had already saved the earth and he was now willing to do the same for its planetoid satellite.

He told delegates: “It is not yet clear what threats the Moon may face in the future. But what is certain is that it is standing on the edge of a precipice and staring into an unknown abyss. ”

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“It may get hit by a comet, maybe it will come under attack from a hostile alien civilisation that is technologically light years ahead of our own, or the threat may even be an environmental one. Perhaps its thin atmosphere will begin to heat up, leading to moon al warming and rising levels in the Sea of Tranquility,” he continued.

“Whatever happens, I want the Moon to know that I am there for it, ready to step up to the plate at a moment’s notice to raise awareness, tweet something or organise a charity MP3.”

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“I will literally do anything to help the Moon, as long as I don’t have to spend any of my own money on it,” he added. And the singer had this message for those he dubbed “naysayers and doubters” who questioned his ability to save the Moon: “Look what I have already done here on earth.”

“Poverty, gone. Famine, vanquished. Climate change, reversed. Disease, eradicated. The Moon is crying out for an inspirational rock star like myself to fight for it. I am passionate about taking on this role,” he said.

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However a NASA spokesperson last night said that Bono had yet to get in touch to offer his services, and in any case it was not clear what a Lunar Goodwill Ambassador would actually do. She told reporters: “The Moon is not under any imminent threat as far as we aware. If a situation arises where we feel that a self-important shortarse in sunglasses and a hat could be of any assistance, we’ll let him know.”

Meanwhile Bono insisted that he was ready and willing to do whatever he could for the Moon. “Believe me when I say that I have so much to give,” he said. “Except, obviously, stumping up any of my own cash.”

“As I said before, that’s out of the question,” he added.