VIZ - - Janet Of The Apes -

1The word ‘mon­key’ is a com­pos­ite of the Old Norse term ‘Monn’ (mean­ing to ‘fling shit’) and the An­glo-Saxon verb ‘Kee’ (mean­ing to ‘tam­per with a car aerial in a sa­fari park’).


Many of our favourite pop stars have been in­flu­enced by mon­keys - whether it’s Oa­sis fun­ny­man LIAM GAL­LAGHER swag­ger­ing about like a pissed-up chimp, or de­ceased rocker GG ALLIN hurl­ing his own ex­cre­ment at the au­di­ence.


small­est mon­key of all time be­longed to the world’s small­est man - CALVIN PHILLIPS. The mi­nus­cule macaque - named TINY KONG - was born in Nha Trang, Viet­nam, and was roughly the size of a small mouse on its hind legs. Phillips had it shipped to his home in Es­sex af­ter he be­came ob­sessed with the 1978 Clint East­wood com­edy Every

Which Way But Loose, and de­cided he wanted a cheeky pri­mate pal of his own. The pint-sized pair got into all man­ner of scrapes, driv­ing around the Amer­i­can west in a pick-up truck the size of a bread­bin.


cur­rent world record for the fur­thest dis­tance of fae­ces flung against a wall by a pri­mate was set by Urko, a 350 pound western low­land go­rilla from the Demo­cratic Repub­lic of Congo. On 27 March 2005, with rep­re­sen­ta­tives from the

Guin­ness Book of World Records in at­ten­dance, Urko suc­cess­fully hurled a lump of his own ex­cre­ment against a brick wall that was a whop­ping 175 FEET away.


De­spite nu­mer­ous films fea­tur­ing the gi­ant 100 foot go­rilla, King Kong could never ex­ist in real life. That’s be­cause, ac­cord­ing to mon­key ex­perts, as a go­rilla gets bigger the ten­sile strength of its bones in­creases with the square of its height whilst the an­i­mal’s weight - and hence the stress on its bones - in­creases with the cube of its height. As it grew past 33’8”, a King Kong’s legs would snap like match­sticks. 6A 6 Mighty Joe Young could ex­ist, though, as he was only about 25’ high.


it or not, U2 front­man BONO adopted his fa­mous nick­name be­cause of his long-stand­ing ad­mi­ra­tion for the “bonobo” species of chim­panzee, merely drop­ping the fi­nal “bo”. The short-ar­sed pop fave, real name Ge­orge O’Dowd, told Puz­zler mag­a­zine: “I saw a chimp’s tea party at the cir­cus in Dublin when I was a kid, and the bonobo mon­key par­tic­u­larly stood out be­cause he was wear­ing a cute lit­tle bowler hat. I was es­pe­cially im­pressed be­cause it turned out that he’d had the hat flown half­way around the world in a pri­vate jet from his home in Cen­tral Africa.” 8There are cur­rently a whop­ping 264 dif­fer­ent species of mon­key, such as man­drills, macaques and 262 more. Celebs who cite man­drills as their favourite type of mon­key in­clude Fleet­wood Mac rocker STE­VIE NICKS, , Mid­dles­brough FC man­ager TONY PULIS and EastEn­ders ac­tor DEAN GAFFNEY. 9Celebs who cite macaques as their favourite type of mon­key in­clude Fifty Shades hunk JAMIE DORNAN, snooker ace WIL­LIE THORNE and gangsta rap­per P DIDDY. 10Celebs 10 who cite one of the other 262 types of mon­key as their favourite type of mon­key in­clude Jam front­man PAUL WELLER, WELLER US Vice Pres­i­dent MIKE PENCE and free­lance ejac­u­la­tor PETER NORTH.

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