Mon­key Busi­ness

ALL the lat­est simian stock mar­ket news, brought to you LIVE by pri­mate fi­nance ex­pert ROBERT PE­STON

VIZ - - Janet Of The Apes -

CA­PUCHIN STOCK was raised to Hold from a Sell at $20.25 this morn­ing at open­ing bell. Robert says: “BUY white-headed ca­puchins with a stop loss at Rs 211 for tar­get at Rs 201. SELL ro­bust tufted ca­puchins with a stop loss at Rs 333 for tar­get at Rs 310.” IN­VESTORS with stakes in larger Old World mon­keys, be warned: Ba­boon stock slumped dra­mat­i­cally yes­ter­day - down 16% against the man­drill – af­ter swollen red ar­ses were hit with in­dus­trial strike ac­tion. Robert says: “Only gray-footed chacma ba­boon stocks were still show­ing growth at clos­ing bell. Buy, buy, buy!” THE MNKE 100 hit a record high last night as mar­moset and ta­marin stocks soared. Robert says: “My ad­vice is to in­vest heav­ily in flat-nosed New World apes. Golden-backed uakari se­cu­ri­ties opened at $178.89 this morn­ing, so they look a good bet. If that’s a lit­tle out of your price range, how­ever, then the Ecuado­rian squir­rel mon­key is a buy with a stop loss of Rs 919 ($39.51 at the bell).” BONOBO BIT­COIN slipped be­low $100,000 at the open­ing bell yes­ter­day. The simian cryp­tocur­rency is cur­rently trad­ing at 8%, near $1,203 per coin. Robert says: “Even given the mon­key mar­ket’s re­cent volatil­ity, this is a size­able drop for the pygmy chimp cryp­tocur­rency. I would au­tho­rize your bro­ker to hold bonobo bit­coin with a stop loss at Rs 419, sell­ing im­me­di­ately when the mar­kets re­cover.” More money-minded mon­key minu­tiae next time, folks!

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