FAT, BALDING, MIDDLE- AGED MAN ‘DISAPPOINTED’ BY ABBA AGNETHA
NEWS that ABBA had reformed to record two brand new tracks delighted the Swedish supergroup’s legion of fans earlier this month. But the announcement brought disappointment to one overweight Bolton man suffering from male pattern baldness. 58-year-old Preston Potto said that he didn’t think that Agnetha Fältskog had aged as well as he might have hoped.
“She was the best thing going in the seventies, especially when she used to stick her arse out in those tight trousers. Or when she was wearing that short dress with the slit up the side,” he told his local paper the Bolton
Prostate Examiner. “I mean, I certainly would have. Who wouldn’t?”
fit
“But when I saw the latest pictures of her, I was disappointed by the effect that the intervening threeand-a-half decades had wrought upon her appearance,” he said.
Potto explained that whilst he accepted that Fältskog was now 68, he had expected her to look more like a fairly saucy piece in her early-to-mid fifties.
“I thought she would be like one of your mates’ fit mums who you hoped would make a pass at you when you was a teenager,” the 24-stone unemployed forklift truck driver said. “You know, where you hoped she’d put her hand on your thigh and give you the come-on a bit while your mate was out the room making a cup of tea.”
“But to be honest, I saw a recent picture of Agnetha, and she looks to be in her early 60s at best,” he said. “She’s really let herself go.”
piles
Potto, who suffers from piles, halitosis and chronic flatulence, admitted that he was even wondering whether or not he still would.
“To be honest, I’m in two minds as to whether I’d be prepared to give her one now,” he vouchsafed.
“I mean, I probably would, but I doubt I’d enjoy it as much as I would have done if I’d given her one back in her heyday,” he added.
And Potto said he had no opinions one way or another on Fältskog’s fellow Abba vocalist Anni-Frid Lyngstad, now 73. “If I’m honest, I was never that fussed on the darkhaired one,” he told the paper.