Woman Finds Dead Rat in Profanisaurus!
Horrible surprise for Viz reader
AViz reader who is pregnant with quads got more than she bargained for when she bought a copy of the brand new Viz Profanisaurus: War and Piss. While perusing the famous dictionary of bad language, 23-year-old Maureen Mimblehulme turned the page to find a DEAD RAT squashed inside the book!
“I felt physically sick,” the Northants canning factory worker, who is expecting four babies in December, told her local paper The Silverstone Lodestar & Beacon. “I’d already read quite a bit of the book before I found it. It was absolutely disgusting.”
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“It makes you wonder what the hygiene policies at Viz are like, when they can sell a heavily pregnant woman a book with a dead rat in it,” she continued.
The popular comedy magazine’s editor, Hampton Doubleday, said he was at a loss to explain how the decomposing rodent came to be lodged in the book. He told us: “Here at our offices in the North-east, the issue of cleanliness takes top priority. In fact Viz is one of the few magazines in Britain to boast a five-star hygiene rating.”
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“We simply can’t imagine how this dead rat slipped through the net and got inside one of our books,” he said. “We were hoping that War and Piss, a fully updated, revised and re-edited 624-page Profanisaurus including 20,000 definitions and a foreword by Professor Brian Cox, was a going to be a sales success.”
“Sadly, this kind of publicity is only going to harm its prospects of becoming a bestseller,” said Doubleday.
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He continued: “As a mark of how seriously we take this issue, we have offered to replace Miss Mimblehulme’s book with a fresh copy that we have carefully checked for dead rats.”
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“In addition, as a gesture of goodwill we have also offered her an ex-gratia payment of £250 and told her to fuck off,” Doubleday added.
But last night, Viz found itself embroiled in a fresh controversy after a used condom was found inside a copy of the magazine’s Doubleday: Dreadful publicity will almost certainly effect sales of book. brand new, bumper 220-page annual The Pieman’s Wig, which is available from all good bookshops.