NICKOR TREAT!

FROM Land’s End to John O’Groats, we all love the cheeky Hallowe’en tradition of Trick or Treating. And it’s safe to assume that celebrities called Nick love it just as much, if not slightly more. That’s why we rounded up our four favourite A-List Nicks and asked them to tell us exactly how THEY spend the spooooookiest 24 hours of the calendar year.

Nick Witchell, carrot-topped royalist

HALLOWE’EN can be a bit of a trial for me as my gaff is the first stop on the Queen’s Trick or Treat route. Every October 31st, I’ll open the door to Her Maj all done up as a Dracula or a Frankenstein or a

Freddy Krueger, and even when I reward her efforts with a ‘treat’ of finest Belgian truffles, she still invariably opts to ‘trick’ me, by pelting my car with quails’ eggs or setting a bag of corgi faeces alight on my doorstep. Still, she’s a wonderful woman and I won’t hear a word against her.

Nick Clegg, former Lib Dem leader

BACK WHEN I was deputy PM, every day was like Hallowe’en, as I used to get two to three dog dirts pushed through my letterbox per night. However, since losing my parliamentary seat in 2017 it’s been pretty quiet on the old canine faeces front. As such, I find that Hallowe’en can provide a nice reminder of when I was still relevant enough to inspire public fury. Every October 31st, when the kiddies show up dressed in their spooky costumes, I’ll make sure to offer them only sugar-free liquorice, cashew nuts or grapes, and then I’ll close my eyes and wait for the hound rope to slide satisfyingly onto the doormat as I’m momentarily transported back to my glory days in power.

Nicky Campbell, former Watchdog presenter

I LIKE TO liven things up for the local Trick or Treaters by offering them consumer advice instead of sweets or chocolate. Last October

31st, for instance, a couple of kids showed up on my doorstep dressed as Egyptian mummies. When I asked them what they’d paid for their outfits they confirmed they had purchased an eight-pack of toilet paper from the local mini-mart for £4.49 (56p per roll). I promptly informed them that a pack of four rolls from the same retailer cost just £1.90 (47p per roll) and that, next year, they should invest in TWO smaller packs to make a saving of NINE PENCE per roll. They looked absolutely delighted with their penny-pinching ‘treat’, although I did later discover they had smashed all my car windows and pissed in the glove box.