Cheap slacks cost dear

Dear Justin,

MY HUSBAND got a bargain at Boundary Mills, and now I’m scared he will burn for all eternity in the Lake of Fire.

I am 58 and my husband is 61 and we have been married for 38 years. He recently went out to Boundary Mills at North Shields and came back with a pair of trousers from the sale.

He was very pleased with them, because they were drip-dry, didn’t need ironing, and had an elasticated waist. However, when I looked at the label, I was horrified, because it said they were made from a 60%/30%10% Polyester, linen and wool-mix fabric.

I won’t need to remind you that Deuteronomy Chapter 22 verse 11

clearly states: “Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.” I waited until my husband went out and threw his trousers on the fire.

When he found out, he blew his top. He explained that they had cost £19.99 and is now refusing to speak to me. Please Justin, can you explain to him that I did what I did only for the best reasons? Mrs J., Hull

• Justin says...

For reasons best known to Himself, the Lord prohibited the wearing of mixed fabrics many years ago, and there is no reason to suppose that He has changed His views during the intervening 3 millennia or so.

God is not an unreasonable deity. He has nothing whatsoever against linen trousers. He has nothing whatsoever against woollen trousers. It is only when these two materials are combined in the same raiment that His wrath is provoked.

Take your husband back to Boundary Mills and treat him to a new pair of trousers, but this time make sure he reads the label carefully before taking them to the till. £19.99 may be a good price, but an eternity spent burning in a pit of fiery excrement and dead men’s bones is a long time to reflect that those slacks may not have been such a good bargain after all.