It’s a Colourful, Colourful, Colourful, Colourful World
with colourful former charity queen Camila Batmanghelidjh
THE FASHION industry has announced that the colour for 2019 will be blue. This takes over from last year’s colour, which was green. The decision was announced in New York by American Vogue editor Coco Solidz at a Ritz Hotel press conference attended by clothing designers, haute couture magazine journalists and style critics from around the world.
The announcement came as a surprise, as red or yellow had been expected to be awarded the coveted title. A fashion business spokesman told us: “We were all really surprised when we heard that blue was this year’s colour. Those of us who have bought loads of red and yellow cloth will now have to throw it all away.” Clothes factories will now go into overdrive, producing blue hats, dresses, jackets, trousers and jumpers for the coming year, and the price of blue fabric is expected to rise along with increased demand.
The decision has not been without controversy, after it was revealed that Coco Solidz’s husband, textile billionaire Hymen Prepuce III recently opened the world’s largest blue cloth factory in Mumbai.
ANYONE sporting a Trump-style tangerine tan may well be shortly receiving one of the American President’s trademark legal writs. That’s because the comedy POTUS has copyrighted his lurid skin colour. Officials at the US Patent Office say that the Donald has registered his skin colour - Pantone 021 - as a legally protected trademark.
The President’s mental attorney Rudy Giuliani advised anyone with the same colour face to act quickly before court proceedings were instigated. He told Fox News’s Sean Hannity: “If we catch you with a tangerine face you’ve got two weeks to let it fade before Mr Trump comes down on you like a ton of bricks.”
“Our message to the American people is simple. Mess with us and we will pursue you to the highest court in the land and destroy you,” Mr Giuliani added, tipping his head back and looking like a silent movie villain.
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Saunders later tweeted: “The President is not being unreasonable. The copyright on the color of his bright orange face doesn’t extend to the stupid white bits round his eyes, or his pale forehead that you can see when a breeze gets under his barnet when he’s going up the steps of Air Force One.”
APERUVIAN farmer who was beamed up by aliens says that when he was on their flying saucer he saw a colour that is unknown on earth. Boco Perez, 58, was strapped to a table in a laboratory aboard the UFO and had his anus probed with some sort of metallic instrument.
“I caught a glimpse of it before they forced it up my bottom,” Perez told his local paper the Lima Telegraph e Argus. “The colour of it was like nothing I’ve ever seen. I can’t describe it as a greeny-blue or a reddy-orange or a purple, because it wasn’t like any of those colours or any colour I can imagine.”
The farmer, who has been beamed up off his tractor and anally probed by space aliens over 250 times in the last 30 years, told reporters: “It was absolute agony. If you can imagine getting a filling off the dentist with no anaesthetic, but up your arse, that was what it was like.”
“But it was worth it, because I’ve seen a colour that no other human being has ever seen or could imagine,” he added.